Saturday, September 12, 2009

Cranky Large Medium reading, 12 September

Go away.

Why are you still around? Did you somehow get lost on your way out? Lose track of the downward path? Here's a hint -- it's not upward. Oh, it's not that you're lost, it's that you came here for something particular. Gosh, I, the famed medium of considerable mass, can not imagine what it is that you might want of me. After all, there is so little I can offer a stranger, other than my great words of wisdom. Ah, but it is my words you seek. How could I possibly have foreseen that request? Oh, my! Well, now I must ask, what would be my incentive for giving you my pearls? You will leave happily once I give you a reading. I believe that would be called a real bargain. Let me see what I can give you, then. Here you are:
You are what they refer to as "retentive", although there is a fundamental anatomical reference to accompany the word. You make a fine worker, so long as nobody calls upon you to think independently. You are generally quiet and reserved, with a sense of humor that certainly keeps you amused. You have a bit of a temper, as well, but its attention span, like yours when it comes to general reality, is short.
Are you happy, now? Of course not. But do we care? Not really. After all, even with a short attention span, you have the ability to recognize you're ahead of these people, all of whom, on this date in history, developed zero attention spans: Andronikos I Komnenos, George Reid, Hajime Sugiyama, Sarah Frances Whiting, Carl Hermann, Marcellinus of Carthage, Pope Innocent VI, Jean Bolland, Jacob Cats, Peter Mark Roget, Fitz Hugh Ludlow, Leonid Andreyev, Robert Lowell, Eugenio Montale, David Foster Wallace, Jan van der Heyden, Jean-Philippe Rameau, Stanley Turrentine, William Boyd, Anthony Perkins, Raymond Burr, Tom Ewell, Jeremy Brett, Victor Wong, Willie Mosconi, Blanche of Lancaster, Hugo Schmeisser, Steve Biko,
and Johnny Cash.

You go ahead and walk the line that leads downhill from here, now.
Happy birthday, anyway.

No comments: