Cranky Large Medium reading, 18 August

Go away.

Won't you leave? Please? What keeps you here, where you are not really welcomed? Is it strictly a matter of gravity, or is there some failure to understand directions, as well? Why won't you go? Oh, you're here to get something from me, are you? And, as if I couldn't guess... what is it you want from me? A reading. Right. And, if I give you this, will you up and go? Oh, joy, oh, rapture! Here you are, then:

You can't help yourself, you have to have everything you see. Aside from your need to acquire, you also fancy yourself a philosopher. At least you're not negative. You enjoy reading, and strive to expand your base of knowledge, in hopes of improving the quality of your circle of friends. In other words, you're something of a snob about the people around you. You should know that reading a lot doesn't really make you smarter -- it just gives you a bigger vocabulary, and makes you more annoying to those of us who really are smarter.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. But at least you are able to read into things a positive view -- you're still alive and kicking. This puts you miles ahead of these people, all of whom, on this date in history, kicked the bucket: Decentius, Ricimer, Genghis Khan, Theodore II Lascaris, Wanli, Francis I, Matthew Boulton, B.F. Skinner, Walafrid Strabo, Pope Adrian V, Clare of Montefalco, Pope Alexander VI, Pope Paul IV, Honoré de Balzac, Clifford Odets, Anita Loos, Nikolaus Pevsner, Guido Reni, Paul Mares, Charles Hart, John Sturges, Rafaela Ottiano, Persis Khambatta, Christopher Bauman, Joseph E. Seagram, Walter P. Chrysler, Christopher McCandless, Michael Deaver,

and Tony Jackson.

I'm on needles and pins waiting for you to go.
Happy birthday, anyway.