Cranky Large Medium reading, 17 August

Go away.

Why won't you leave? Are you simply and by nature a cruel animal? Why would you stay when you know you are invading a person's solitude? Isn't there somewhere else you can be? Like, jumping in a lake, maybe? Or, even just hopping a bus to Farawayland? No? So what is it that brings you and keeps you here? Oh, but naturally, you want something from me. And I'll bet I can guess what that is, too. You want my pack of camels. I'm afraid they're long gone, having gallumphed down the hill, toward some oasis or other. Not camels? Well, then, I guess you must be after a reading. Aha! You probably thought I'd not be able to figure it out on my own... and then you'd really look a fool for consulting me about your life. Heh. So, once I give you this reading, you will leave, will you not? See me smile, now. Here you are:

You have a serious lack of self-confidence, and justifiably so. Although you are probably capable of great success, you stick to the sidelines, trying to blend into the wallpaper. Fair-minded, generous, kind and considerate are terms you have often heard about yourself -- if only they knew you better! You're entirely incapable of expressing or demonstrating affection.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. But at least you can look on the upside, here. You are still able to work toward blending into the woodwork, which puts you ahead of these people, all of whom, on this date in history, were simply fitted into a worked wood box: Go-Fukakusa, Robert Blake, Jonathan Trumbull, Frederick II of Prussia, Don José de San Martín, Regnier de Graaf, Otto Stern, Feng Kang, John Bahcall, Lorenzo Da Ponte, Pedro Figueredo, Charlotte Perkins Gilman, Conrad Aiken, Hans Gude, Ole Bull, William Thomas "Billy" Murray, William Redfield, Vivian Vance, Ray Chapman, Eddie Griffin, Bridget Driscoll, Billy Fiske, John C. Allen, Rudolf Hess, Ira Gershwin,

Pearl Bailey

and Paul Williams.

For once in your life, will you do the kind thing and go home?
Happy birthday, anyway.