Friday, March 20, 2009

Cranky Large Medium reading, 20 March

Go away.

Will you be gone, please? Is that too much to ask? Why am I so desired, of late? Oh, right. It's my natural charm, sophistication and beauty, accentuated by the glories of the first day of Spring. It's not? Well, then, what in the name of all that is sack-clad are you doing here? Ah, I see, it's that reading thing, again. Didn't they teach you that in grade school? Apparently not, or you'd not be here asking me to do it for you. So I give you what you ask, and you leave, correct? Well, then, here you are:
You are a bookworm, fancy yourself an intellectual, and are an unimaginative linear thinker. You are fond of travel, and everybody around you is happier when you do. You tend to dwell upon the past. You will fall deeply in love with somebody who does not speak your language, you will work hard, and when you take time for fun, people will ask if you ever plan to grow up.
Are you happy, now? Of course not. It's not that you don't like what you hear, it's that you lack the imagination to see how your life might be improved. Well, let me tell you, improvement isn't always necessary. All you really need to have is perspective. You're looking at things from ground level, and that sure as shootin' beats what these folks have, since, on this date in history, they had only a sub-basement view: Hermann von Salza, King Henry IV, Lord High Admiral Thomas Seymour, Mathias, Keisuke Yamanami, George Nathaniel Curzon, Ferdinand Foch, Hermann Müller, Joseph Aspdin, Julius Robert von Mayer, Alexander F. Mozhaiski, Franz Ritter von Hauer, Alfred Ploetz, Ivan Matveyevich Vinogradov, Polykarp Kusch, St. Cuthbert, Brendan Behan, Victor S. Pritchett, Nicolas de Largillière, Louis-Leopold Robert, Hans Christian Lumbye, George Howard, Gene Eugene, Brian Wilde, Marilyn Maxwell, John Minton aka Big John Studd, Tony Zale, Luis Alvarado, Sir Benjamin Truman, Ota Benga, Chet Huntley, Conor Clapton, Lewis Grizzard,
and Manolis Chiotis.

Don't go too heavily on the bouzouki, or you'll regret it tomorrow.
Happy birthday, anyway.

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