Cranky Large Medium reading, 26 October

Go away.

Why on earth haven't you gone? Don't you have somewhere to be? Beat it, bud! Still here? If I tell you a story about yourself, will you be happy and leave? Great! Here you are, then:

You are even more of a hermit than I am, spending long hours in your parents' basement. In your mind you are intelligent, conservative, artistic, enjoy reading and have considerable literary ability. In reality, not so much. At least while you dwell below, you have few enemies (and fewer real friends). You probably need degaussing, though.

There. Are you happy with everything, now? Too bad so sad. At least you're better off than these poor souls, who are permanently ensconced in cellar condos: Alfred the Great, Horio Tadaharu, William Sprague, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Hirobumi Ito, Park Chung-hee, Nikolaus Joseph von Jacquin, Alexei Krylov, Igor Sikorsky, Charles J. Pedersen, Dr. Arthur Kornberg, Philip Doddridge, Carlo Collodi, Nikos Kazantzakis, William Hogarth, Keith Parkinson, Walter Gieseking, Alma Cogan, Wilbert Harrison, Vincent Coleman, Hattie McDaniel, Charles Comiskey, Gus Mancuso, Bobby Avila, ... Gilles de Rais, Catherine Sedley, William T. "Bloody Bill" Anderson, John Kinder Labatt, Harry Payne Whitney, Princess Beatrice of the United Kingdom,

and Hoyt Axton.

Lyin' in bed, winter comin'.
Happy birthday, anyway.