Friday, September 25, 2009

Cranky Large Medium reading, 25 September

Go away.

Why are you still here? Do you not understand the concept of "exit"? Are you really that thick? Or is it just that you are cruel and insensitive, wanting to torment a pitiable hermit who only seeks solitude? Oh, you aren't deliberately heartless, after all. You only came here because you heard I could give you something rare and exceptional. Well, you're not going to get one of my smiles. Not by just standing there, anyway. I reckon the only way you're going to get a smile out of me is by shoving off -- and with our back to me, you're not likely to see it, are you? Not my smile you're looking for? Well, then, what? Oh, pardon my "well, duh" moment. You came to a medium, didn't you? You want a reading, don't you? Sigh. If I give you one, will you make me smile? Swell. Here you are:
You, like a certain medium, are sincere, frank and outspoken, and often perverse. You're pliable, too. Bend, then, to my will. When it comes to your immediate environs, though, you are rigid and fussy, wanting to surround yourself with art and spotlessly kept rooms. You are likely to fall in love at first sight, with a vacuum cleaner. Don't get attached.
Are you happy, now? Of course not. But that doesn't matter, in the long run. Eventually you will be gone, and at least one of us will be smiling. If you play your cards right, if you think things through, you might guarantee both of smiles, especially if you put a positive slant to this mountaintop retreat. After all, you were able to come ask me for this favor, which puts you ahead of these people, all of whom, on this date in history, ceased all but ectoplasmic wanderings: Harald III, Morikuni, Emperor Go-Yozei, Hugo Lafayette Black, Nicu Ceauşescu, Johann Heinrich Lambert, Nikolay Nikolayevich Semyonov, Franco Modigliani, Saint Fermin, Pope Clement VII, Lancelot Andrewes, Johannes Secundus, William Bradford, Ring Lardner, Erich Maria Remarque, Marion Zimmer Bradley, George Plimpton, M. Scott Peck, John M. Ford, Johann Strauss the Elder, Frank Fay, Walter Pidgeon, Emlyn Williams, Don Adams (sorry about that, Chief!), Mary Astor, Miller Huggins, George Archer, John Bradstreet, Oliver Loving, Hans Eppinger, John B. Watson, Emily Post, Hans F. K. Günther, Billy Carter, Klaus Barbie, Edward Said, Jeff Cooper,
and John Bonham.

Moby on your way, now.
Happy birthday, anyway.

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