Friday, April 24, 2009

Cranky Large Medium reading, 24 April

Go away.

Will you please go? I mean, really. Is it so difficult to be reasonable and let an old hermit have some privacy? So, what is it that keeps you from turning and going? Oh, you want a reading. I should have examined the auspices and seen that coming, shouldn't I? Ah, well, if that's what will make you leave more quickly, I suppose I will have to dredge up something about you, no? Here you are:
You read great heaps; it makes you an annoying know-it-all in conversations. You are a complete snob, not allowing for anybody you consider to be "less cultured" than yourself to join you in chat or activity. You like to be the center of everybody's universe, but say you can't stand flattery. It must make you insufferable.
Are you happy, now? Of course not. Nobody ever is. But then, at least you have one thing going for you -- you're still vertical. That's a serious advantage over these people, all of whom, on this date in history, carked it: Eleazar Wheelock, Ezer Weizman, Thomas Fincke, G. Stanley Hall, Max von Laue, Gerhard Domagk, Mellitus, Wilfrid, Pope Benedict XII, Fidelis of Sigmaringen, Moshe Teitelbaum, Daniel Defoe, Lucy Maud Montgomery, Willa Cather, George Grey Barnard, Harry McClintock, William Alexander "Bud" Abbott, Louise Dresser, Ville Ritola, Vladimir Komarov, Wallis Simpson, Estée Lauder,
and Pete Ham.

You're leaving, no matter what.
Happy birthday, anyway.

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