Cranky Large Medium reading, 7 March

Go away.

Why are you still standing there gawping? Is there an iceberg heading for my hull? No, it couldn't be that. My ship sank years ago. So, what on earth is keeping you hanging about? Oh, I see, you want a reading. Heck, that's easy enough to produce, so if I get it for you, will you then be happy and go? Great! Great! Here you are:

You are a total wimp and need to learn to assert yourself -- just not here, not in my space. You are slow and methodical in everything you do, totally missing all important deadlines. You are apt to sit on your hindquarters rather than start anything you might have planned to do, therefore. You are generous to a fault. Did I mention I'm considering putting in a tip jar? You allow others to impose on you. I'm not complaining, if you aren't.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. But then, nobody told you that you had to be. Still, at least you're ahead of these people, all of whom, on this date in history, surrendered their lives: Antoninus Pius, William Longespée, Aristide Briand, Johann Bayer, Ferdinand André Fouqué, Robert Abbe, Otto Diels, Edward Mills Purcell, Perpetua, Felicitas, Saint Eubulus, Thomas Aquinas, Pope Innocent XIII, Emily Pauline Johnson, Alice B. Toklas, Francis Dodd, Gordon Parks, Alberto Rabagliati, Frankie Carle, Benjamin Bernstein aka Ben Blue, Harris Glenn Milstead aka Divine, Robert Livingston, Paul Winfield, Bradbury Robinson, Steve Bilko, James "Cool Papa" Bell, Charles De Geer, Sidney Gottlieb,

and Frank Julius Anthony Kuczynski aka Pee Wee King.

Eight o'clock, nine o'clock, nine forty-five and still no cake.
Happy birthday, anyway.