Cranky Large Medium reading, 24 February

Go away.

Please, will you get out? I'm asking politely, and I won't even brandish my weapon (so an old broom doesn't look like much of a weapon. Haven't you seen Bruce Lee or Jackie Chan? They could kill with an old broom straw. Not that I'm comparing myself to them, but I have the whole broom). So, won't you go? Why not? Oh, right, you came here for that dratted reading. Make a successful forecast once, and everybody beats his way to your doorstep. Sigh. Here you are, then:

You are a complete and utter mouse, with no real spine at all. You are apt to marry the first somebody who steamrollers over your heart. Neither of you will be happy, but opposites often make the most entertaining marriages for us to watch, don't they? You would like to grow accustomed to serenity and luxury, as would we all. The caves on the other side of this hermit's mountain are quite posh -- they have running water and some even have bearskin rugs. If you fight well. If not, they'll have some nice carved bone sculptures. I'm betting on bones.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. Happiness takes courage. I get mine from a bottle, sometimes, and sometimes from just plain being too bored to realize there's trouble afoot. Then again, it doesn't take much courage to recognize how good you have things, being alive, as opposed to these people who all, on this date in history, turned yellow, then chalky, then all sorts of other fungal colors under the surface of the green: Ethelbert of Kent, Joseph Jenkins Roberts, Joshua Chamberlain, Georg Christoph Lichtenberg, Henry Cavendish, Etienne-Louis Malus, Robert Fulton, Nikolai Ivanovich Lobachevsky, Claude E. Shannon, Johann Weyer, Thomas Bowdler, Malcolm Forbes, Octavia Butler, Nicholas Lanier, Matthias Weckmann, André Messager, Johnnie Ray, Dinah Shore, Arthur Lyman, Larry Norman, Conrad Nagel, John Randolph, Don Knotts, William Dennis Weaver, Harold Herman Brix aka Bruce Bennett, Virginia Bruce, Sparky Adams, Tony Conigliaro, Lamar Lundy, Damien Nash, Colonel Francis Charteris, George Gobel, Henny Youngman,

and Webb Pierce.

You're not the first and I don't care.
Happy birthday, anyway.