Cranky Large Medium reading, 1 January

Go away.

At least please be quiet; it's New Year's Day. And tiptoe away, if you will. Dang you, why are you still hanging about, breathing so loudly? Oh, right. You MUST have a fortune. Well, excuuuuse me for resting an hour or so. Here you are:

You are bloodthirsty, ambitious -- and uniquely so; you are perfect material for executive office. You have a high opinion of yourself, and the charm of a cobra to go with it. To those you think of as your own, you are generous, indulgent and demonstrably affectionate. Marlon Brando played the part of you in an award-winning epic film series.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. Not this morning, not ever. Zheesh. At least you're better off than these people, all of whom, to start the new year, stopped breathing entirely: Odo, Count of Paris (not this Odo), James Francis Edward Stuart, Roswell B. Mason, Arleigh Burke, Shirley Chisholm, Johann Bernoulli, Alexandre-Théophile Vandermonde, Martin Heinrich Klaproth, John George Children, Mikhail Vasilievich Ostrogradsky, Heinrich Rudolf Hertz, Alfred Ely Beach, Martinus Beijerinck, Grace Hopper, Eugene Wigner, Arthur Rudolph, Saiant Basil of Caesarea, Saint Telemachus, Filippo Baldinucci, William Wycherley, Panuganti Lakshminarasimha Rao, Tillie Olsen, Hendrik Goltzius, Francesco Guardi, Sir Edward Lutyens, Edward Weston, Johann Christian Bach, Adolph Deutsch, Hephzibah Menuhin, Alexis Korner, Buck Ram, John Townes Van Zandt, Bryan Harvey, Franklin Delano "Del" Reeves, Barton MacLane, Victor Buono, Kamatari Fujiwara, Cesar Romero, Ray Walston, Cyril Shaps, Peter Caffrey, Margaret Sullavan, Bruce Norris, Helen Wills Moody, Joe Foss, Ernie Koy, Darrent Williams, Thomas Hobson, Gregory Blaxland, Andrew Summers Rowan, Hugh McLaughlin,

and Maurice Chevalier.

Say au revoir.
Happy birthday, anyway.