Dedicated to all those who have already begun to feel the effects of celebration, and with inspiration from my younger sister (she gave me the first line), I've taken the liberty of rewriting the lyrics to U2's New Year's Day. If you will imagine the performance by a voice full of pain, anguish, and Alka-Seltzer:
Please be quiet, it’s New Year’s Day
A world of pain gets underway
I want some Tylenol,
Tylenol, right away.
No food stays down on New Year’s Day.
I... I will not drink again
I will never drink again.
Into these blood-red eyes
The light is shining so very bright
Gut in knots, my tongue like glue
Can’t really say, my tongue won’t do
And I feel so blue,
So torn apart I must be dead.
I... I will not drink again.
I will never drink again.
Oh, and maybe my shrink is right
Oh, maybe he’s right.
I will never drink again.
I will never drink again.
And so I will hold my heavy drinking down
And drinking’s the reason for the way I frown
So I want some Tylenol
Tylenol right away.
Nothing changes. It’s New Year’s Day.
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