Cranky Large Medium reading, 22 November

Go away.

What are you doing here, still? Have you nothing else to do but stand around pestering a poor, powerless medium? I see that you have not. Well, then, perhaps I might find a way to propel you outward from my sanctuary... by giving you what you came here for:

You are a foaming-at-the-mouth leftist who notes perceived wrongs suffered by others, and believes you are the only one who can solve them. Darned busybody! You are humorless, and obsessed with books -- but only those with the label of "literature," such as those on Oprah's book club list. You are image-obsessed, overly-cautious of appearances. Love is not to be taken lightly, either. Come to think of it, love is not to be taken at all. Nobody is likely to offer it to a sourpuss like you.

Are you happy, now? No? Why am I not surprised? You would not be satisfied ever, would you? Ah, well, you should consider yourself so much better off than these people, who, on this date in history, ceased to add any more pages to the Big Book of Human Experience: King Eric V of Denmark, John Hanson, John Alsop, Henry Wilson, John F. Kennedy, Arthur Stanley Eddington, Hans Adolf Krebs, C. S. Lewis, Jack London, William Walker Atkinson, Aldous Huxley, Anthony Burgess, William Bliss Baker, Pavel Korin, Norah McGuinness, C. C. Beck, Theodore Kosloff, Bernardo Pasquini, Arthur S. Sullivan, Lorenz Hart, Norman Granz, Verity Lambert, Shemp Howard, Benjamin Sherman "Scatman" Crothers, Sterling Holloway, Mark Lenard, Mary Jane aka Mae West, Roderick McMahon, Bruce Hobbs, Pat Dobson, Martin Frobisher, Edward Teach, J. D. Tippit, Mary Kay Ash,

and Michael Hutchence.

Wasted, but not so elegantly, any more.
Happy birthday, anyway.