Thursday, August 18, 2005

Gotta love that family unity...

According to today's ReviewAtlas (which, very kindly, prints my weekly column at no cost to me), our local true dipsh*t trash clan are all facing appropriate charges, after all.

LaCrissa Cooper, the girlfriend of meth-head Patrick Sage, is being brought up again on charges which had previously been dismissed by a judge because the jailer couldn't make a positive i.d. of her in court.

She's being charged (again, and with more teeth, apparently) with following Sandra Sage(Patrick's mother)'s example in trying to smuggle meth in a pair of boxer shorts she was delivering to the jail.

But, according to the DRA, "Although they face the same criminal charges, Cooper and Sage are alleged to have committed separate offenses, committed on different dates, involving a different pair of blue boxer shorts, and different bags of meth".

If Cooper is convicted on both counts, she could spend anywhere from 4 to 18 years in the state pen. Each Sage is already looking at similarly long stints up the river, for combinations of offenses.

My worry is, with them gone from town, who will fill in as the village idiots? The town drunk died five years ago, so how will our locals survive without anybody around to make us feel superior? Will we go back to mocking the kids who attend the rural schools? Or will some other family sink to the occasion for us? Without a lowest common denominator to help define us, we could very well fall into sniping at each other, leading to anarchy and infighting... just like Springfield.

2 comments:

Maranda HAry said...

This is maranda hary Lacrissa cooper's sister and i say FUCK YOU!! Know the full story before you start talking shit asshole!

lacrissa said...

Lacrissa says:A big fat fuck you