Cranky Large Medium reading, 31 May

Go away.

Will you get gone? What is it with people, that they always seem to need to hang around where they're not really wanted? Can you go away? Is it within your sphere of abilities? Are you able to turn around and go? Or don't your feet work that way? You only walk uphill? I can solve that with one shove, you know. Oh, it's not that you can't walk downhill, it's that you won't go until you get a reading? Well, in that case, let me hurry you out of here with this. Here you are:

You want people to believe you are artistic, so you decorate yourself and your surroundings in outlandish fashion for just that purpose. Those with real talent will see right through you. You need to be seen out and about, hitting clubs and night spots like an alley cat looking for a half-filled can of tuna. Children fascinate you, and you put a lot of time into watching your own grow up before you.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. But who cares? At least you're still breathing, and that surely beats anything these people have, as, on this date in history, they all walked up the Eternity Road: Ashikaga Yoshimitsu, Elizabeth Blackwell, Pierre Lemonnier, Samuel Bentham, Évariste Galois, Jacques Monod, James Rainwater, James Bennett Griffin, Raymond Davis Jr., Guido de Bres, Joachim Neander, Thomas Chalmers, Leopold Staff, Tintoretto, Jane Frank, Franz Joseph Haydn, Billy Strayhorn, Herva Nelli, Johnnie Taylor, Robert Quine, Joseph Grimaldi, William Castle, Arlene Francis, Terry Sawchuk, Jack Dempsey, Spuds Mackenzie, Timothy Leary,

and Ernest A. "Tito" Puente, Jr.

Now, get those feet moving.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 30 May

Go away.

Why aren't you going? In fact, why aren't you gone? It's not as though I issued you an engraved invitation to come visit me up here. That would be counterproductive, in my view. So, why are you still hanging around here? Oh, right, you want a reading. If I give you one, will you go away happy? Swell. Here you are, then:

You have a quick temper, and are a regular bully. You are immediately sorry after your "little emotional outbursts", but that doesn't stop you from having them again. You like snob literature and enjoy the company of the pretentious, those who, in your eyes, are witty and interesting.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. Go figure. But before you go throwing your fists around, look on the bright side of things - at least you're still able to do so. That's miles better than what these people can do, as, on this date in history, they punched their time cards for the last time: Wladislaus II, Ferdinand III, John Catron, Souji Okita, Togo Heihachiro, Victor D'Hondt, Wilbur Wright, Vladimir Steklov, Louis Slotin, Leó Szilárd, Joan of Arc, Ezra Taft Benson, Christopher Marlowe, Alexander Pope, François-Marie Arouet aka Voltaire, Boris Pasternak, Peter Paul Rubens, François Boucher, Perry Ellis, Carl Radle, Herman Poole Blount aka Le Sony'r Ra aka Sun Ra, Gordon Lee "Tex" Beneke, Shohei Imamura, Claude Rains, Michel Simon, Robert Sterling, Floyd Roberts, Bill Vukovich, Steve Prefontaine, Max Carey, Tatsuo Shimabuku, Don Ashby, Harada Naomasa, Georgi Plekhanov, Georg Ludwig von Trapp,

and Dooley Wilson.

Let's hope that wood isn't my pine box, even as time goes by.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 29 May

Go away.

Why won't you go? Did you lose track of the path? It's right there under your feet, and all you have to do is turn around and start walking... and yet, there you stand. Why is that? Oh, you want a reading, do you? And, having that, you will then take your opportunity for exit? Splendid! Here you are, then:

You are a complete homebody, who would rather stay with the children than sally forth into the real world. Fortunately, children are largely your intellectual and experiential equals, so you'll do fine, there. Your disposition is mild, except that, like some mediums, you are prone to bitterness.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. But don't let that bitterness rise to the top. After all, you're far and away better off than these people, all of whom, on this date, rose to the heavens to be judged: Constantine XI Palaeologus, Israel Putnam, Joséphine de Beauharnais, Winfield Scott, Erich Honecker, Barry M. Goldwater, Archibald Cox, Frans van Schooten, Humphry Davy, David Beaton, John Penry, Bahá'u'lláh, Ursula Julia Ledochowska, Kate Harrington, John Gunther, Bruce Price, Fanny Brice, John Cipollina, Jeff Buckley, John Barrymore, Harvey Korman, Mary Pickford, Romy Schneider, Tamara Toumanova, Man Mountain Dean, Moe Berg, Martin Gottfried Weiss,

and William S. Gilbert.

Sitting grumpy. Nobody knows why or whither.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 28 May

Go away.

Why aren't you gone? What did I do to deserve this cruel treatment? All I ask is to be left alone, and here you come, with your ... well, your you. I ask you! Why won't you go? Oh, sure, you want something. You want a reading. And if I give you one, you'll be happy and leave me, right? Right. So, then here you are:

You are a regular magnet for all sorts of people you call friends. You are very exacting, demand your own way and are willing to go to obscene degrees to get it. With all the wit and charm of a snake-oil salesman, you attract people to the home you love. Don't let them see your trophy room, unless you want to stand trial.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. But, hey, at least you can start by being satisfied that you have a life. That's more than these people can say, as all of them, on this date in history, got to the end of their thread of existence: Saitō Dōsan, Emperor Sakuramachi, Ras Wolde Selassie, Edward VIII, Rolf Nevanlinna, Ilya Prigogine, Saint Germain of Paris, Stefan Cardinal Wyszyński, Noah Webster, Anne Brontë, Hori Tatsuo, Boris Kustodiev, Leopold Mozart, Luigi Boccherini, Arthur Brough, Phil Hartman, Martha Scott, Ezzard Charles, Billy Conn, Julius Boros, Marquise Hill, Alfred Adler, Unity Mitford, Lt Col Herbert 'H'. Jones VC, Eric Morecambe,

and Melvin "Sy" Oliver.

R. A. G. G. M. O. P. P.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 27 May

Go away.

Will you get out? Get! Scoot! Amscray! Cheese it! Why are you still hanging around? What did I ever do to deserve this? Oh, I became a medium, is that it? So, you come here looking for trouble... and you think all you're getting is a reading. I laugh in your general direction. But in order to get you to leave, I suppose I must give you what you came for, no? Then here you are:

You are a stodgy fall-back when your friends have nobody else to hang out with. You are (in polite parlance) detail-oriented, and accustomed to bullying people into letting you have your way. Flashy in conversation, you like to impress people with your perceived wit and your (in your mind) beautiful home.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. But, hey, at least you have yourself. And, at least your self is still functioning at, at the very least, a basic level. That's far ahead of what these people have, as, on this date in history, they ceased all function other than serving the bottom of the food chain: Procopius, Ludovico Sforza, Jawaharlal Nehru, Aleksandr Grigorievich Stoletov, Robert Koch, John Howard Northrop, Ed Yost, John Calvin, Archibald Campbell, Gaspard Dughet, Robert Ripley, James Montgomery Flagg, Alex Toth, Giovanni Legrenzi, Niccolò Paganini, Leopold Nowak, Jeffrey Hunter, Werner Stocker, Paul Gleason, Mary Philbin, Gretchen Wyler, Ed Konetchy, Jesse Burkett, Maurice Richard, Craig Heyward, Jedediah Smith, Gunther Lutjens, Ernst Lindemann,

and Izumi Sakai.

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 26 May

Go away.

When will I be alone? Why won't you go? Did I do something wrong, to make you want to be with me? Oh, I see, it's that I see. Well, if I tell you what I see will you see yourself out? Swell. See here:

You are a flibbertigibbet, a will-o'-the-wisp, a clown. You like to be surrounded by people, and always put on a big show for them, so they won't ignore you and/or leave you, which is their natural tendency. New friends excite you, probably because those are the only ones who can put up with your antics. Sometimes passionate, always excitable, you are friendly and, like the Saint Bernard puppy, you have a tendency to drool.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. But that won't last long, with your attention span. At least you can feel positive about the fact that you're alive, which puts you at a great advantage over these people, all of whom, on this date, went to romp in the Reaper's playground: King Edmund I, Joseph-Ignace Guillotin, Edward Sabine, Almon Strowger, Georges Gilles de la Tourette, Charles Horace Mayo, Lincoln Ellsworth, Waldo Semon, Augustine of Canterbury, Ali ar-Rida, Mehmed I, Alexander Gottlieb Baumgarten, Martin Heidegger, Francesco Berni, Vincent Voiture, Robert Filmer, Samuel Pepys, Victor Herbert, Jimmie Rodgers, George Brent, Eddie Albert, Sydney Pollack, Anne Haney, Alberto Ascari, Silvio Moser, Mamo Wolde, Ida McKinley, Edsel Ford, Christian Wirth, Theodore Morell, Allan H. Loughead,

and William Powell.

I dunno what they do.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 25 May

Go away.

Will you please get out? It's not that I don't want you here, but I don't want you here. I like my privacy. Besides, what could possibly have drawn you to this place, where the only thing of any charm is my person? Oh, it's my person which draws you here? And why would that be? Ah, you think I can give you a reading, do you? And, if I give you one, will you leave? I think I can learn to love with that. Here you are:

You put sincerity and your best efforts into any undertaking, but usually your ideas are impractical and bizarre. You should keep your passions and emotions under strong control. None of us wants to see that, after all. You require deep affection, and could have been capable of strong feelings in return, if you were only a little less wrapped up in your own little dream world.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. After all, I'm not offering you any affection at all. Still, I have one more thing to offer, and that's a positive thought. At least you're alive. That beats the alternative, which is what these people have, since, on this day in history, they all had pennies placed upon their eyes: Emperor Murakami, Gemma Frisius, Adam Tanner, Anders Dahl, Sir Frank Watson Dyson, Pope Boniface IV, Bede, Pope Gregory VII, Pope Alexander IV, John Stafford, Daniel Ernst Jablonski, William Paley, Rosa Bonheur, Lyubov Popova, Nils von Dardel, Gustav Holst, Aleck Ford aka Sonny Boy Williamson II, Warren Harding "Sonny" Sharrock, Joe De Grasse, Charles Nelson Reilly, Pat Coombs , Black Jack Stewart, Payne Whitney, J. R. Simplot,

and Emanuel Feuermann.

You had me at "Cello."
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 24 May

Go away.

Why are you here? Didn't you hear my request? Going is the norm. You are, apparently, set on going against the trends. And why would that be? Ah, of course, you came seeking something, and you won't leave without acquiring it. And that something would be.... The Reading. Naturally. Well, if getting that to you is enough to make you go, then far be it from me to stop that progress. Here you are:

You are a workaholic, showing unadulterated enthusiasm for your job. You are strait-laced and have a forceful personality (translation: bully). Sincere, trustworthy, dull as dishwater, you show as much passion in romance as you do at work -- with equal originality, which is why you are so often alone.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. So get back to work, and your outlook will be improved. After all, you're physically capable of expending energy, aren't you. That's quite the opposite of these people, all of whom, on this date in history, succumbed at last to inertia: Abu al-Hasan 'Ali, Elmer E. Ellsworth, Lancelot Holland, John Foster Dulles, Harold Wilson, Nicolaus Copernicus, Robert Hues, Georg Ernst Stahl, Sylvestre François Lacroix, Willy Ley, William Lloyd Garrison, Joseph Mitchell, Julius Schnorr von Carolsfeld, Samuel Palmer, Elmore James, Gene Clark, Jacques Feyder, Edward Mulhare, Rob Knox, Rachel Kempson, Old Tom Morris, Vincent J. McMahon, Vivian Liberto, Dick Martin,

and Edward K. "Duke" Ellington.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 23 May

Go away.

Why are you still standing here? Is there something wrong with your legs? Other than that they're funny-looking, I mean. Can't you figure out how to leave? The gate is right there. Oh, I see, you want something from me before you are willing to go anywhere from here. And that something is.... A reading. But of course. Well, if that's all it will take to get rid of you, then here you are:

You are just too enthusiastic about everything. You make Irish Setter puppies look subdued, by comparison. Adversity and failure only serve to make you more annoyingly chipper. You have oodles of self-esteem, not that it has been earned. You are fond of art and music, and love to carry on what you perceive as witty banter. No amount of trouble will make you as miserable as you make the rest of us.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. If you were, you might be traipsing and tra-la-ing down that pathway away from here. Still, look on the bright side. At least you still can traipse and tra-la, unlike these people, all of whom, on this date in history, strode up the shining highway: Henry V, Ashikaga Yoshitane, James Otis, Geraud Duroc, Christopher W. "Kit" Carson, Lloyd Bentsen, Adrien Auzout, Augustin Louis Cauchy, Franz Ernst Neumann, Girolamo Savonarola, John Gauden, Franz Xaver von Baader, Henrik Ibsen, William Bradford, John Wood, the Elder, Joseph Anthony Passalaqua aka Joe Pass, Utah Phillips, George Jessel, Sterling Hayden, Earl Webb, Gene Green, Ray Candy, Sam Snead, Captain William Kidd, John D. Rockefeller, Heinrich Himmler,

and Moms Mabley.

Somebody already has done that.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 22 May

Go away.

Will you get yourself gone? Why are you not far away already? Didn't you understand the request? Should I speak more slowly, so you can understand? Go. Away. And yet you're still here. Why is that? Oh, naturally, you came here after something. And that is....? A reading. Ah, I see. And if I give you that, you will leave me in peace? I can live with that. Here you are:

The abundant ability and talent you possess will not be evident unless some crisis arouses it. Unfortunately, not many crises come with the need to make a "blowfish" face. You have a great deal of pride; do not fool yourself, you're not that special. You are a mushball in romance, so you should find somebody with common interests, someone who will not walk all over you. But there are laws against marrying outside species, so settle for not being too browbeaten in love, or get used to being alone.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. Settle your pride on one thing you have over the majority of humanity -- you're still alive. That puts you ahead, even, of these famous people, all of whom, on this date in history, yielded to all, especially to gravity: Constantine the Great, Empress Genshō, Emperor Go-Reizei, Gaspar Schott, Julius Plücker, Albert Claude, Alfred Hershey, José Enrique Moyal, Saint Rita of Cascia, John Forrest, Pope Alexander VII, Israel ben Eliezer, Durastante Natalucci, Mordecai Manuel Noah, Victor Hugo, Jules Renard, Ernst Toller, Langston Hughes, Cecil Day-Lewis, Robert Asprin, Richard Biggs, Margaret Rutherford, Lefty Grove, Rocky Graziano, Christopher Stone,

and Thurl Ravenscroft.

Wow. That was deep.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 21 May

Go away.

Why are you still here? Did you think you missed the last jackass to civilization? But you're mistaken --there's still a shank's mare for you. Oh, that's not the problem, then? What is keeping you here? You want a reading. How quaint. Well, if that's all that keeps you here, let me rid us of that obstacle. Here you are:

You have a great deal of confidence in your own abilities, no matter how unjusified. You are (and we are forever thankful) unique, original; love nature and sports and the outdoors (and, again, we are thankful, unless and until you learn to use soap). You love your home, like to make it beautiful and drive your family nuts with your improvement projects.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. At least, though, you're still kicking, so that puts you ahead of these people, all of whom, on this date in history, started renovations on the glass house in the sky: Louis V, Christian I, Archibald Primrose, Jane Addams, Rajiv Gandhi, Niccolo Zucchi, Lars Roberg, Carl Wilhelm Scheele, August Kundt, Williamina Fleming, Yevgraf Fyodorov, James Franck, Tommaso Campanella, John Eliot, Pierre Poiret, Pieter Corneliszoon Hooft, Thomas Warton, Christopher Smart, Kenneth Clark, Barbara Cartland, Sammy Davis, Sr., Katherine Dunham, ... Franz von Suppé, Vaughn Monroe, Paul Delph, John Drew, John Garfield, Alfred "Lash" La Rue, Sir John Gielgud, Howard Morris, Ann Little, Alejandro de Tomaso, Spencer Clark, Hernando de Soto, Elizabeth Poole, Geoffrey de Havilland, Patsy O'Hara, Raymond Mccreesh,

and Billy Walker.

If you could be in Charlie's shoes, you'd be somewhere other than here.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 20 May

Go away.

When will you go? I don't want to have to wait for too long. In fact, it would be best if you were gone before you arrived, but I suspect you lack the ability to rearrange the space/time continuum to my satisfaction. So, instead, just take off right now, and I won't hld it against you that you were here. Oh, so you won't leave until you get what you came for, will you? And what you came for is precisely what? Ah, of course. You want a reading to get you gone. Well, if it will make you leave, then allow me. Here you are:

You are nervous, wound up, as excitable as a chihuahua before its walkies. You play with childlike abandon and comprehension, and can not thrive without brainless giggles. You are generally kind, generous and considerate in your affections, but that's as deep as it goes.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. But at least you get walkies. And that's a sign that you're still alive and kicking, which beats the condition of these people, all of whom, on this date in history, began the long walk up the golden staircase: Christopher Columbus, Ashikaga Yoshiharu, Osman II, King Wladislaus IV, Sébastien Vaillant, William Emerson, Charles Bonnet, Jacob Ellehammer, Philipp Lenard, Randolph West, Pope John XXI, Saint Bernardino of Siena, Verner von Heidenstam, Max Beerbohm, Waldo Williams, Barbara Hepworth, Clara Schumann, Ernest Hogan, Jon Pertwee, Syd Howe, Malik Sealy, Lorenzo de Medici (not The Magnificent), Valentine Fleming, Stephen Jay Gould, William Seawell, Hamilton Jordan,

and Gilda Radner.

Someone has come unstuck in dance.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 19 May

Go away.

Why will you continue to stand here? Is it too difficult for you to comprehend the desire I have for solitude? Why, then, are you still here? Oh, of course, you came here for something of great value... my words. Flattered though I am, I'd prefer silence and the solitary existence. Still, if it will get you to leave, why don't I just give you what you came for. Here is your reading, so you will go:

To be perfectly happy, you must find a deep and strong love. More is the pity, it will not come. You are so serious in your thinking, actions and love as to be stodgy and stiff. Reading is your favorite pastime, and you have a frighteningly strong memory as it applies to book time. It's when you display your best social skills, as well.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. Bookishness would preclude that. But you could look on the bright side. At least you're still reading, whereas these people all, on this date in history, turned to their epilogue: Vladimir Monomakh, Emperor Go-Kashiwabara, Josiah Bartlett, Camille Jordan, José Martí, William Ewart Gladstone, Sōsuke Uno, John Gorton, Isaac Beeckman, Peter W. Barlow, Benjamin Baker, Alcuin, Dunstan, Pope Celestine V, Thomas Sanchez, James Boswell, Nathaniel Hawthorne, Booth Tarkington, Ogden Nash, James Tiptree, Jr, Walter Lord, Kristjan Raud, Costanzo Porta, John Stanley, Charles Ives, Jimmy Lyons, James Blades, Freddie Garrity, Ronald Colman, Jonathan J. "Candy" Candido, Henry Corden, Archie Scott-Brown, Anne Boleyn, John Simpson Kirkpatrick, Raoul Lufbery, T. E. Lawrence, Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis,

and Coleman Hawkins.

Indian sumthin'.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 18 May

Go away.

Why won't you get the heck away from me? Do you really like my breath so greatly? Pardon me, then, while I go fetch a dinner of garlic and fish. It's not the breath I draw that draws you here? Speak up, then, what is it? Oh, you want a REEEEEading. I think I can dredge one of those out, if you promise to leave right after. Spiff-o-rama, you do. Here you go, then:

You are too fond of taking a chance, and should curb that tendency, as it will bring you unhappiness and restlessness. You waste precious energy pursuing that desire. You are like a child, which is probably why kids like you more than adults do. If you sat still for a while, you might discover you like art and music, and, if you stayed home occasionally, you might find you need that, too. Too bad you can't listen to rational advice.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. You're not so hotsy-totsy at that part of life. Hey, though, look on the bright side. You're still able to take your chances, as opposed to these people, all of whom, on this date in history, took the train to No Chance: Władysław Opolczyk, Sejong the Great of Joseon, Ikeda Motosuke, Túpac Amaru II, Jeannette Rankin, Stanisław Lubieniecki, Elias Ashmole, Elijah Craig, Charles Louis Alphonse Laveran, Aleksandr Gennadievich Kurosh, Pierre-Gilles de Gennes, John, Cardinal of Lorraine, Jean Gaspard Felix Ravaisson-Mollien, George Meredith, Arthur O'Connell, William Saroyan, Domenico di Pace Beccafumi, Georg Böhm, Isaac Albéniz, Pauline Viardot, Gustav Mahler, Leroy Anderson, Andy Clyde, Daws Butler, Marshall Thompson, Elisha Cook, Jr., Alexander Godunov, Isabella Glyn, Jill Ireland, Elizabeth Montgomery, Bridgette Andersen, Ernie Davis, Jacques Marquette, Andrew Kehoe, Harry Truman, David A. Johnston, Reid Blackburn,

and Ian Curtis.

If love doesn't do it, something else will.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 17 May

Go away.

When will you leave? Can I persuade you to make it before now? Ah, well, I suppose that's asking too much, isn't it? So, what will it take for me to get you to go? A reading? I think I can muster up some of that. And once you have it, you will scram? Great! Here you are:

With your bland and otherwise innocuous nature, you are also too clever by half, a know-it-all, and exceedingly fussy. You are spoiled, take too much liking to good times and the social scene. Those of your own sex can't stand you.

Are you happy,now? Of course not. Still, you're ahead of these people, all of whom, on this date in history, took wing and harp: Minamoto no Yoshitsune, Emperor Go-Fushimi, Constantine Dragas, Empress Catherine I, John Jay, Charles Maurice de Talleyrand, Isami Kondo, John C. Breckinridge, Charles Anthoni Johnson Brooke, George William Forbes, Alexis Claude Clairault, William Heberden, Boris Borisovich Galitzine, Ernest Nash, Gunnar Myrdal, Matthew Parker, Samuel Clarke, Archibald Alison, Guido von List, Frank G. Slaughter, Lloyd Alexander, Sandro Botticelli, Dave Berg, Giovanni Picchi, Paul Dukas, Lawrence Welk, Sharon Sheeley, Tony Randall, Frank Gorshin, John Wilce, Hector "Toe" Blake, Scott Brayton, John Gunby, Asa Packer, John Deere, Harold Geiger,

and Abram S. Borowitz aka Abe Burrows.

Look at Epitaph. He wins it by a half.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 16 May

Go away.

What are you doing still hanging around? The monkey bars are all downhill, yonder. Shouldn't you have gone long ago? Why are you still here? Oh, you came here for a reading, did you? Well, then, let's get that thing done and get you out of here. Here you are:

You could be called a clear thinker -- by people who lisp. You have an unforgiving memory and a bundle of ideas, with some ability to carry them out. Please, don't try them at home. You're a regular smart-aleck, with a sense of humor that borders on funny, and you are crazy about your family and home. Did I say crazy about home and family? Make that just plain crazy.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. But at least you have bragging rights on your life, in that you have one. It beats hands down what all these people have, as they, on this date in history, lay body and soul down to rest for all time: Levi P. Morton, Mehmed VI, George A. Malcolm, Jeremy Michael Boorda, Daniel Solander, Joseph Fourier, Alfred Hoche, Frederick Hopkins, Saint Brendan, Saint Simon Stock, Dirk Willems, Andrzej Bobola, George Ade, James Agee, Irwin Shaw, Pietro da Cortona, Charles Keeping, Django Reinhardt, Ernie Freeman, Marv Johnson, Brian Pendleton, Sammy Davis, Jr., Margaret Hamilton, Bodacious the Bull, Big Dick Dudley, William Adams, Jacob Leisler, H. B. Reese, Eliot Ness, A. Philip Randolph, Andy Kaufman, Alec Campbell,

and Jim Henson.

You can go today.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 15 May

Go away.

Why are you still here? Have you forgotten how to walk away? It's really very simple : just turn, then one step, then another...oh, so that's not the problem. Why are you still here, then? Oh, you want a reading. A problem we can solve quickly, so you can leave soon, correct? Wunderbar! Let's get this thing started! Here you are:

You have a natural aptitude and ability. Try applying them, some day. You always have your nose in a book, or in the air as you discuss your tastes in fine "lit-trah-choor." Critical, cautious, shrewish, you are a bit of a bully and fancy yourself a leader. You're not a bad parent, though; happiness in your household depends solely upon your behavior. Maybe you can eventually consider growing up a bit and bringing real sunshine in.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. Still, you could consider yourself lucky. At least you're still up and at 'em every day. That's a big improvement over what these people have, as, on this date in history, they all got six feet down and dirty: Emperor Go-Ichijō, Niwa Nagahide, Dmitry Ivanovich, Alaungpaya, Phillip Snowden, Sir Robert Menzies, Andreas Floer, Alban Butler, Father Edward Flanagan, Jerry Falwell, Charles Perrault, Emily Dickinson, William March, Theodore White, Salah Ahmed Ibrahim, Hendrick Avercamp, Gottfried Semper, Austin Osman Spare, Edward Hopper, Giovanni Croce, Johnny Green, Alexander Courage, Tyrone Guthrie, Ronald Lacey, Gilbert Roland, Eric Porter, Gordon Smiley, Earl Manigault, Yolanda King,

and June Carter Cash.

Back up, sure, but push? Near the edge, here? Okay.
Happy birthday, anyway.