Cranky Large Medium reading, 31 August

Go away.

Why won't you go? Is there something wrong with your feet? Or is it the other end of you where the problem lies? Not that -- although the posterior is an annoyance, as long as you haven't carried it out the gate and far off. The tippy-top part is usually the greatest source of irritation, isn't it? So, why won't you go, now, so as to avoid further irritation and ensuing rash? I see. You want me to give you something. You want me to read. Uh huh. Oh, right, you want me to give you a reading. If I do, will you go? Watch me do the happy dance! Here you are:

You are a bookworm with a gift for absorbing what you read. Maybe you should, sometime, move away from comic books and graphic novels to something which might actually apply in real life. You tend to accomplish much of what you attempt, by sheer force of will... in other words, you are a regular bully. Marry early in life and somebody will be very happy. Probably your parents.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. But someday you might be. That, in fact, placed you at a distinct advantage over these people, all of whom, on this date in history, permanently booked rooms in the Casa de la Guadaña y del Traje Negro: Go-Horikawa, Henry V, Urho Kekkonen, Ole Worm, Mary Ward, Frank Macfarlane Burnet, George Porter, Saint Aidan of Lindisfarne, Francesco Bracciolini, John Bunyan, Charles Baudelaire, Nicolas-Henri Jardin, Georges Braque, Henry Moore, John Ford, Billy Laughlin, Patricia Owens, Lucille Fletcher, Rocky Marciano, Tom Delaney, Gay Brewer, Mary Ann "Polly" Nichols, William Pershing Benedict, Dodi Al-Fayed, Diana, Princess of Wales, Ike Pappas,

Lionel Hampton

and Carl Wayne.

How do you survive? Apparently, not well.
Happy birthday, anyway.