Cranky Large Medium reading, 10 April

Go away.

How is it that you're still here? Did you suddenly forget how to walk? It's very simple: put one foot in front of the other, and soon you'll be walking... eh, you probably already knew that part. So, maybe you should try it now. So, maybe you can explain why you aren't trying it? Ah, you came here for a reading, and you won't go without one. Well, aren't we the queen's knickers, then? But, I suppose, if it's the only way to clear my mountainside and clear my head again, I'll just have to give your highnessness what you want. Here you are:

You are an uptight, image-obsessed fussbudget. You have an active imagination and unrealistic expectations of what can be accomplished. You may be able to think quickly, but it practically takes a crane to get you off your hindquarters to act on your thoughts. You're not entirely bad as a family person, though. The kids won't hate you unless they've reached the thrilling age of fourteen -- oddly enough, that's your emotional age, as well.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. I did warn you about your expectations. You really should consider that what you have now beats what a whole lot of people have. For example, you have your life (such as it is), and these people, on this date in history, all received a pine box for self-storage: Louis the S-s-stammerer, Horatio Gates, Emiliano Zapata, Joseph-Louis Lagrange, Moritz Cantor, Teilhard de Chardin, Pope Gregory XIII, Karl Leonhard Reinhold, Mark Alexander Boyd, Jean Lebeuf, Evelyn Waugh, Michael Dorris, Dante Gabriel Rossetti, Khalil Gibran, Santino Solari, Costanzo Festa, Giacomo Antonio Perti, Joe "King" Oliver, Harold "Chuck" Willis, Stuart Sutcliffe, Dakota Staton, Auguste Lumière, Kevin Peter Hall, Peter Jones, Larry Linville, Linda Darnell, Marjorie Main, Kay Medford, Natalie Schafer, Jean Vander Pyl, Oscar Mathisen, Lloyd Casner, Al Lucas, Harley J. Earl, Sam Kinison,

Eva Narcissus Boyd aka Little Eva

and Linda Creed.

It's a stretch, I know.
Happy birthday, anyway.