Cranky Large Medium reading, 26 November

Go away.

Why won't you get gone? Why do you stay when it so obviously pains me to be disturbed by anyone other than myself? Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry? Well, if I give you a reading, I'm prepared to let you go:

You are a bundle of mush; overly-generous and self-sacrificing. If you had any friends, you would be dearly loved by them, and your family might also see you for the smurf you are. Your iron-strong diet keeps your magnetism on high, and you are warm when people come to sit beside you by the fire.

Are you happy, now? Of course you aren't. That would go against human nature. And human nature will eventually lead you to discover that you have it much better than these other humans, who have, on this date in history, followed the ultimate course in nature: Pope Siricius, Queen Isabella I of Castile, Sojourner Truth, Marquard Gude, James Denham Steuart, John MacAdam, Karl Ernst von Baer, Thomas Andrews, Ed Heinemann, John Spottiswoode, Stan Berenstain, Mel Tolkin, Niels Hansen Jacobsen, Dave Cockrum, Daniel Purcell, Soulja Slim, Joey Stefano, Bill Doak, Sean Taylor, Edward O'Hare, Cyril Connolly, Verne Winchell,

and Tommy Dorsey.

Boogie on home, now!
Happy birthday, anyway.