Thursday, October 19, 2006

I stand accused, and confess my madness

In response to a couple of recent comments directed toward me, not only here at my blog, but via e-mail (partly as a result of my weekly columns, too), I must now admit what they say I must: I'm a card-carrying member of the Republican party. I hate everybody and everything different from myself -- you know, people of color, gays, furriners, and stuff. I know nothing. And my party is doomed, next month, to ignominious defeat and to the impeachment of "my" president.

Except that, I don't have any card saying I'm a Republican. My voter registration card simply lists my name, address, voter registration number, and the precinct in which I live. It also says I'm supposed to vote at the National Guard armory, but since 9/11, that has changed, and they haven't bothered to issue me an updated card. And I have yet to vote straight ticket, even when I was a registered Democrat, so I suppose the Republican party wouldn't send me a card, now, anyway.

Also, I have up until now failed to hate. Well, not entirely true. I hate taking prescription Tussionex when I get a really bad cough with my biennial bronchitis. The stuff is like snot on a spoon, with bubbles, because you have to "Shake Well Before Using." I hate cleaning a cat litter box. I do both of them, though, because the alternative is worse. As to people, though, I've yet to find a person I truly hate. Distrust, perhaps. Envy, occasionally. Fear, naturally (and there are greater fears outside the primate circle). But not hate.

As to the lack of any knowledge... pegged right off the bat, I'm afraid. But then, I'm crazy, so what do I know?

All I know is what I've seen with my own two eyes -- and even that is in doubt, since I'm nuts. But I have read quite a bit, and can't seem to quit the habit. And, I have an unfortunately strong memory when it comes to that sort of thing. I may not be able to tell you where my shoes are, or what the name is of the person who lives with the Jack Russell terrier next door, but I can recite to you, from memory, more than a dozen "Little Willie" poems, as well as some less gruesome fare. I can recall π to the 6th digit past the decimal point. I can write up a lesson plan. I can balance a checkbook -- if I ever get one, again. I can rewire a lamp, refit a door frame, build a cat playground from scrap lumber and carpet. I can read a map, and can find my way home from just about any point in the Midwest without a map or a compass. And those are just for starters. Still, I'm not Einstein or Leonardo or even Ezra Pound.

And I tend to be a tad on the optimistic side. I think the moderates will look around and think to themselves that, given the choices we have, it's better to elect a self-made ninny over a ninny who was trained by, and to be, a jackass. But then, I'm crazy, so what do I know? What I know is I don't really like any of my choices, this year. I didn't like many of the choices we had last election, either. But, as an optimist, I'd rather choose the one who hasn't already listed attitudes I find indefensible than the one who goes all the way down the line as a partisan hack.

And, if the Democrats win everything (which I can't yet pretend I think will happen), and they then try to impeach the President, they will have one helluva legal fight on their hands. Because if "Bush lied to get us into war," then so did all the members of the intelligence committee... including Democrats. So, in pursuing that goal with any sense of honor, they should resign their offices and wait to be prosecuted, as well. I don't see this happening.

But then, I'm crazy, so what do I know?

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