1. If you're too open-minded, your brains fall out.
2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing
in a garage makes you a car.
4. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
5. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so
good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the
waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three
weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a
mistake before you make it.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than your refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real
world.
25. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never
tried before.
My personal favorite is #7, but I could support #s 6 and 16.
Howzabout you?
2 comments:
Before I finished the list, I said to myself that #7 would look good on my office door. Great minds...
Oh, yeah!
Mom always says, "Great minds lie in the gutter together."
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