Woo-hoo! I'm a mollusc!

I just looked at my standings in The Truth Laid Bear's ecosystem, and I'm a "slimy mollusc". I feel singularly honored to be listed as kin to the mighty cephalopod, swellest of the molluscs:

Many cephalopods, the group in which scientists classify octopuses, squid, cuttlefish and nautiluses, can change color faster than a chameleon. They can also change texture and body shape, and, and if those camouflage techniques don't work, they can still "disappear" in a cloud of ink, which they use as a smoke-screen or decoy. Cephalopods are also fascinating because they have three hearts that pump blue blood,

I have one defective heart which pumps less blood than average, and sometimes, when I have problems breathing, I turn blue...

they're jet powered,

I'm static, by and (very) large

and they're found in all oceans of the world—from the tropics to the poles—the intertidal to the abyss.

Western Illinois is just about as far from those oceans as a critter can get.

Cephalopods have inspired legends and stories throughout history and are thought to be the most intelligent of the invertebrates.

Ya got me pegged there.

Some cephalopod species can squeeze through the tiniest of cracks.

Okay, so that's definitely not me, but

They have eyes and other senses that rival those of humans.

I do try to rival humans. But I think I need new spectacles. And my hearing is starting to go.

Of course, the way things have been going today, I'm probably more of a gastropod, anyway (I'm a bit sluggish).