What to do with Food Stamps and a pack of ramen noodles

I have made a few discoveries since I was forced to ask for public assistance. For starters, "Food Stamps" are not really stamps. They haven't ever been stamps, per se, but they used to be little coupon booklets that resembled those S&H green stamp books, except instead of accumulating little lick-and-stick things, the cashier would rip out a few pages to cover the cost of your groceries (in theory).

Now, though, "Food Stamps" are gone, and the state issues an electronic bank card which says "LINK", and which, in theory, can be used at any grocer's where transactions may be made electronically. Even out-of-state. So my IL food stamps are good in Iowa, Wisconsin, Louisiana, or anywhere else in the country -- if I should ever have enough money again to travel... and, of course, then I would no longer qualify for this public aid, so the question of widespread usefulness is rendered moot.

This "Food Stamps" card will not buy toilet paper, or feminine hygiene supplies, or shampoo, or toothbrushes, or anti-itch cream, or soap. I guess this is why the poor are also known as the Great Unwashed. I don't quite fall into that group, though, since mostly I wash with baking soda, which can be purchased (even in bulk) with "Food Stamps" (I use baking sody because I have all sorts of allergies to cosmetic products, like soaps, perfumes, and all that. And because I like mixing it with lemon juice for a cheap thrill).

The top amount, currently, that a single person can get in "Food Stamps" is roughly US $5.12 per day (depending upon the month. Of course, February skews the curve a bit). Five bucks doesn't get you very much. And you can't necessarily use the LINK card to buy plants for your garden. I'm told you can buy seeds. Sometimes. If the machine is feeling kind and magnanimous. But plant a two-dollar pack of seeds and you're mighty hungry by the time them termaters is ripe. If they actually grow in that patch of dirt.

So. Five bucks. For the whole day. Have you seen the price of fresh foods, lately? Jeez. Oh, good. Eggs are on special. I can get a dozen for only $1.19. Problem. I don't digest eggs well. If I eat them I'll need to get a big bottle of Kaopectate. Not with "Food Stamps", though. Okay, no eggs. But ramen noodles are 9 for 99 cents. That's cheaper than rice. Woo-hoo! load up the cart!

Ummm.

I remember what ramen noodles' flavor packets taste like. I used to eat those things at art school, when all my real money went to... you know... starving artist's stuff. I'm not looking forward to returning to those thrilling days of yesteryear, no matter how wide my aft has become lately.

Then I am reminded of what my painting instructor told me all those years ago: Don't use paint straight from the tube.

Here is what I did for my afternoon/evening meals (lupper):
[If I've caught the sales right, I can make this entire thing for just over $2.50.]

3 or 4 medium mushroom tops (preferably, visibly past their prime, for fuller flavor and lower price), sliced
1/4 to 1/2 medium sweet onion, coarsely chopped
1 teaspoon olive oil
1/2 teaspoon butter
pinch oregano
1 3/4 cups water (approximately)
1 packet ramen noodles (I like to crush them before cooking. It's very therapeutic)
a handful or two (chunks approximating a half cup) of frozen spinach (buy the bagged stuff -- it's less effort to break off a small amount, if you don't want a whole pound in one meal)
1/2 cup pre-packaged shredded mozzarella cheese (I prefer the Sargento variety with basil and sun-dried tomatoes)
1/4 cup crumbled chevre (goat cheese. Yeah, its the most expensive thing I eat, but it's worth it for this recipe. If you don't like it, substitute parmesan or romano cheese to taste, but don't say I recommended it)
finely chopped bacon, ham, or other salty, prepared meat (optional) (I have cheated and used about a teaspoon of pre-cooked Oscar Meyer bacon bits a couple of times, already, since they were on sale really cheap)


Slice mushrooms as though you were going to top a pizza with them (do you like big, thick chunks or skinny, melting slices? I prefer chunks). Chop sweet onion. In medium saucepan, pour olive oil and butter, then, on high heat, stir-fry onions and mushrooms until onions have turned translucent.

Pour water into saucepan (yes, on top of the onion/mushroom stuff) and bring to a boil. Add oregano and noodles -- but for crying out loud, throw away the "flavor" packet. All it is is salt and something which will probably make your fingernails curl if you knew its origins -- return to boil, stirring occasionally. Allow the noodles to soak up almost all the water.

Stir in spinach, bring up to a simmer, but don't boil the spinach. Remove from heat.

Crumble and stir in cheeses until they are melted. Add bacon-y stuff, if desired.

This will feed two to three normal people a filling supper, or one crazy person an all-day meal. If you're an esthete, you can pour this concoction into a civilized serving bowl, and keep out some of the cheeses to crumble on top, along with a little of the bacon bits. And, if you make it ahead of time, you can even pop it in the oven & give it a pretty, browned topping.

Usually I'm just darned hungry, so I grab some chopsticks and dig in, right from the pan. Did I mention I hate washing dishes? Just don't let Mom know I also drink straight out of the juice carton.


Update: welcome, all who have come from the Carnival of Recipes, 96th edition! And, if you haven't come from there, please click through and see what delights are linked there. I just did, and now I'm all hungry again.