Friday, August 26, 2005

A risky investment if you live in a city

Not too long ago, I caught a segment on one of those late-night shows (they all blend together when your cat has the tv's remote). In this bit of video footage, the personality was attending some sort of convention, I gather, at which they were featuring all sorts of disturbing gadgets and services, many of them having to do with getting nekkid and doing things you won't want to tell your mom about. I'm guessing this convention was not in Des Moines, IA.

At any rate, one of the more wholesome things featured was the "topless shoe". A cut bit of foam in the shape of a foot (sans toe bumps) had adhesive applied to it, and it then stuck to the sole of one's foot. And this got me to thinking (I know. dangerous. Makes much smoke)... What happens when shoe meets gum? You're walking past a storefront and suddenly your foot develops a fatal attraction for some bit of something that was once in a complete stranger's mouth. Which adhesive will prove the more powerful? If the winner is the gum, how will you explain to people that you lost your shoe to a sidewalk? Wouldn't quicksand be a more convenient excuse?

And, gum notwithstanding, wouldn't it bother you to walk around with some piece of foamy plastic stuck to the bottom of your foot? I know that the last time I got something stuck to my bare foot, it drove me nuts. No. Wait. I was already nuts. Anyway, that colossal band-aid about did me in.

Wouldn't it just be easier to get a pair of real shoes? Of course, if you're a close relative of mine, don't bother with that. We gots good tough feets 'cause we lets 'em run nekkid as much as possible.

Mud is very nice to feel
All squishy-squash between the toes
I'd rather squish around in mud
Than smell a yellow rose.
Nobody else but the rosebush knows
How nice mud feels between the toes.

-Polly Chase Boyden

No comments: