Cranky Large Medium reading, 30 June

Go away.

Why won't you skedaddle? Got a nasty hitch in your git-along? Your get-up-and-go got up and went? Turn your toes and make your way yonder, then beyond. Why aren't you heading out? Oh, you came here with a purpose, did you? And you won't go until you get what you want. Boo yah. So, what was it you wanted from me (as if I couldn't guess this, since I am, after all, a seer of renown). You want a reading. Ta-dah! And when I give it to you, you will go? Great! Here you are:

You don't give a rat's patootie about anybody else's opinions. That's probably good for your ego, as most people's opinions of you are, justifiably, fairly low. You are touchy-feely, though, with a bent toward the artsy-fartsy. You can acquire information quickly and impart it as rapidly, which would make you a good teacher, if you weren't so insufferable.

Are you happy, now? Of course not? But at least you can appreciate the art of living, at which these people are not even capable of stick figure drawing, as, on this date in history, they were painted out of the picture : Nepotianus, James Oglethorpe, Abraham Yates, William Oughtred, Edward Lhuyd, Alcide d'Orbigny, John Strutt, Lee DeForest, Vannevar Bush, Saint Adolf of Osnabrück, Caesar Baronius, Alexander Brome, Lillian Hellman, Robert McCloskey, Chet Atkins, Joe Henderson, Ingmar Bergman, Michelangelo Antonioni, Herbert Biberman, George "Spanky" McFarland, Gale Gordon, Buddy Hackett, Charles William Miller, Firpo Marberry, Larry O'Day, John Quelch, Charles J. Guiteau, Kurt von Schleicher, Gregor Strasser, Gustav Ritter von Kahr, Karl Ernst, Erich Klausener, Viktor Patsayev, Georgi Dobrovolski, Vladislav Volkov,

and Phyllis Hyman.

If you're living all alone, it's justifiable. Let me do it, too.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 29 June

Go away.

What are you doing here, still? Don't you have a date with a cup of hemlock, or something? Go. Now. Leave. Now. Now. Now why are you not gone? You came here for something in particular? And what might that be? Oh, I see. You want me to see for you. Hunh. Who could have seen that coming? Grumble grumble grumble just because somebody has a gift, everybody wants a piece of it. What incentive do I have to give you a reading? You'll leave promptly afterward? That's an opportunity I can't pass up. Here you are:

You have an alert mind and think deeply, requiring hip-waders. You are also a bully. You are uncommunicative, have a quick and violent temper and love with the same impulsiveness and intensity. You need someone whom you can stalk and call it love, to be completely happy.

So, are you happy, now? Of course not. There's nobody here to stalk. In fact, if you stay here much longer, the folks back home will have gotten that restraining order and changed all the locks. But, hey, look on the bright side -- at least you can still chase your own tail, if you want to. These people, on the other hand, on this date in history, went home to stay: Henry Clay, John Gorrie, Thomas Henry Huxley, Ivan Mikheevich Pervushin, Ole-Johan Dahl, Bernard Babior, Ramon Llull, Arai Hakuseki, Elizabeth Barrett Browning, Irving Wallace, Paul Klee, André Campra, Ignacy Jan Paderewski, Shorty Long, Tim Buckley, Lowell George, Allan Carr, Vittorio Gassman, Rosemary Clooney, Roscoe "Fatty" Arbuckle, Bob Crane, William Hickey, Don S. Davis, Jayne Mansfield, Lana Turner, Katharine Hepburn, Jack O'Neill, Randy Walker, Joel Siegel,

and Eric Dolphy.

245, your number's up!
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 28 June

Go away.

Why won't you leave? Is the weather so bad at home you have to hide on my side of the mountain? Buck up, pal, and get back, or I'll be forced to fog your glasses. Now, go. And yet you stay. Why is that, again? Oh, you want a reading? If I give it to you, will you leave? You will? Peachy-keen! Here you are :

You are oblivious, effete, and volatile. In all but romance, you are worse than mercurial. You wouldn't make a bad friend, if you could find somebody willing to oblige you. But don't look at me.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. But at least you have the benefit of verticality. These other people, on this date in history, all turned 90 degrees homeward: Theodora, Louis the Blind, Xiaozong of Song, Andronikos IV Palaiologos, James "Wee Jamey" Madison, Franz Ferdinand, Maria Mitchell, Pope Paul I, Edward Carpenter, Rod Serling, Jim Baen, Texas Jack Omohundro, Frank Sutton, Joan Sims, Mickey Cochrane, Cy Morgan, Abraham Ortelius, Franz Stangl,

and Red Nichols.

Oh, the coin dropped on that one!
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 27 June

Go away.

Why are you here? You should be gone. To be quite blunt, you shouldn't have come in the first place, badgering a poor hapless anchorite. So, what must I do to persuade you to go? A reading? Is that all? Who'd have guessed? I think I can arrange that... let me see, now. Ah, yes, here you are:

Your devotion to your life partner is demonstrative and supreme... and, quite frankly, gross to watch from the outside. Get a room, will you? Your home life may be pointed out as "ideal", but we don't want to watch it in the middle of the street. You can be kind, generous, and loving, with high ideals and ambition. That hasn't gotten you very far, yet, has it? It takes actual work to succeed. Maybe you should try that, sometime.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. Tough. At least you can go home and make kissy faces to your partner. That's a whole lot better than what these people have, as, on this date in history, they gave a final kiss to the sky: Mentewab, James Smithson, Sophie Germain, Max Dehn, Jan Dymitr Solikowski, Johann Gottfried Eichhorn, Joseph Smith, Jr., Alfred Jules Ayer, John Hayward, Shelby Foote, Giorgio Vasari, Michael Turner, Frank Harte, Milton Subotsky, Albert R. Broccoli, David Newman, Jack Lemmon, Lottie Dod, Daniel Kinsey, Elizabeth Cabot Agassiz, John T. Walton,

and John Entwistle.

It's later than you think.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 26 June

Go away.

Are you still here? Why? Did you miss the short bus home? Please, please, go away. And yet you stay. Kee-ripes! What will it take for me to get rid of you? Oooh, a reading. I can arrange that, if that's all you need to leave me alone. Here you are:

Mister popularity (or are you a Miz? I can't tell from the way you're dressed)! You are full of wit, and your laissez-faire attitude means that slackers will enjoy your company, too. If you ever applied it, you'd discover you have a brilliant mind. Unfortunately for all of us, you haven't figured how to download that application, yet.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. But don't worry. With all that you know, you should very soon return to a blissful state. In the meantime, look at the positive side to your reading. At least there is an implication that you have a future (however brief, should you continue to annoy me). Your life, such as it is, beats the lack that these people have, since, on this date in history, they all turned faces to the wall: Julian the Apostate, Caesar Rodney, Mercedes of Orleans, Denver Randleman, Strom Thurmond, Gilbert White, Joseph Michel Montgolfier, Karl Landsteiner, Ralph Cudworth, Max Stirner, Peter Rosegger, Ford Madox Ford, Liz Claiborne, Claude Joseph Rouget de Lisle, Leo Dandurand, Herman Rohde, Roy Campanella, Jay Berwanger, Francisco Pizarro, William H. Riker, Sir Dennis Thatcher MBE,

and Israel "Braddah Iz" Kamakawiwo'ole.

And now I throw you back.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 25 June

Go away.

Why are you still here? Don't you have some carnival freaks to impress? Why won't you leave? You want something from me, don't you? Oh, yes, the reading everybody else asks about. If I give you one, will you allow me some peace again? Wonderful. Let me hurry to it, then. Here you are:

You are oblivious to anything even remotely serious, and depend on friends to bail you out when things turn against you -- which they will with great frequency, due to your careless attitude. Maybe you can learn to think before you act, sometime. As if you could see any point in that, as long as you still have friends to freeload off of (pardon my poor grammar). You will still rush headlong and blindly into things, including love, and others always will pay for your recklessness.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. Well, at least no happier than you were when you blithely interrupted my peaceable universe. You obviously have the ability to see the upside of your life, which is that you have it. That is so much better than what these people have, as they all, on this date in history, became Blithe Spirits: Emperor Gaozu, Hatano Hideharu, Michele Mercati, Alexander von Nordmann, Carlo Matteucci, John Boyd Orr, Cornelius Lanczos, Ernest Walton, Jacques-Yves Cousteau, Michel Foucault, John Marston, E.T.A. Hoffmann, Simon Ushakov, Thomas Sandby, Thomas Eakins, Georg Philipp Telemann, Hillel Slovak, Colin Clive, Jake Beckley, Buck Freeman, Tommy Corcoran, Jerome Brown, George Armstrong Custer, Thomas Custer, Boston Custer, James C. Calhoun, Charles Starkweather,

and Johnny Mercer.

Dream all you want, I'm getting you nothing.
Happy birthday, anyway.

White House Antigonish

The man who, while in the Illinois legislature, had a long record of voting "present" is at it again, this time from the White House. Or is it worse than that? He's there, but he's not even offering a vote. He has "harsh words"... terms like "deeply concerned" about just about everything, but from North Korea's aggressive stance toward our nation to Iran's independence movement, we get nothing of substance. The candidate brought into office by Acorn, it would seem, really is the empty suit he was when he was still in Springfield, and the world is learning it now.

Hughes Means had it right, without ever having known the Obamessiah.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 24 June

Go away.

Will you get out? Go home! Go anywhere, so long as it's not here. Why are you here, yet? You came for something and you won't go without it. Charming. What would that "something" be? Oh, a reading! Why didn't I see that coming? pffft. If I give you this reading, you will then leave, and I will not have to see your face again? I think I can live with that. In fact, it's what I call a really sweet deal, so here you are:

You guard your tongue. Too bad the thoughts behind it aren't all that valuable. Still, you are determined to follow through on those thoughts, which will put you in the low end of others' esteem. About where everybody is in mine. If you ever make any friends, you will probably be able to keep them, for what they're worth.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. But at least you have a little bit of good to take with you, because, after all, you're still able to go away on your own power. These people are lacking even that, as, on this date in history, they all stopped ticking: Hongwu, Lucrezia Borgia, Hosokawa Sumimoto, Matthew Thornton, Thomas McKean, Grover Cleveland, Nicolas-Claude Fabri de Peiresc, Gerhard Ringel, Sarah Orne Jewett, Sumner Locke Elliott, Rufino Tamayo, Jackie Gleason, Brian Keith, David Tomlinson, Paul Winchell, Clarence Campbell, Chris Benoit, Louise Whitfield Carnegie, Emil Seidel, Patsy Ramsey,

and Carlos Gardel.

Mano a man am I tired!
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 23 June

Go away.

Why are you still hanging around here? Don't you have some traffic to play in? Go on, now, skedaddle. Why aren't you gone? So, you came here for something, did you? And that something is... oh natch! You want me to give you a reading. And if I give you that, will you leave? Well, ain't that the cat's meow! Here you are, then:

You start projects like gangbusters, but your attention span is shorter than a toddler's. You can come up with fine ideas, but your follow-through is embarrassingly bad. Pleasure, for you, usually interferes with business. You might make someone a fair housewife (as long as somebody else can be hired to do your chores), but you're a poor breadwinner.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. But I'm not worried. You're already thinking about something else. And, after all, your life is better than what these people have, which isn't much, as they all, on this date in history, had the plug pulled on their plans to continue breathing: Vespasian, Shimizu Muneharu, Mashita Nagamori, Sir Theophilus Shepstone, Varahagiri Venkata Giri, Maynard Jackson, Mathurin Jacques Brisson, James Hall, Wilhelm Eduard Weber, John Mill, James Mill, Mark Akenside, Clyfford Still, Reinhold Glière, Aaron Spelling, Buster Merryfield, Maureen O'Sullivan, Volmari Iso-Hollo, Roscoe Turner, Eric Andolsek, Luke Graham, Rod Beck, Pedro Mascarenhas, Sanjay Gandhi, Vincent Chin,

and Zarah Leander.

The wunder isn't likely to geschehn on my mountain.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 22 June

Go away.

What keeps you here? Do you truly hate me? Why won't you let me have my time to myself? You're here for something? And that would be what? Hmmm. A reading. And you think I can give you one. Funny, that. I can. But what do I get out of it? You'll happily leave? I can live with that. So, here you are:

You are overly-sensitive, squonkish, effete, and excessively inclined to inanities of conversation. You love travel and reading, usually together, much to the dread of others on the highway. You will be a loving parent if you can ever figure out how to be a passable mate.

Are you happy, now? Of course not? But quit whining and don't dissolve into bubbles and tears. At least you're ahead of these people, none of whom has the basic ability to form tears, let alone whine, since, on this date in history, they all began genuinely to dissolve into compost: Francis Lubbock, Ghiyath al-Kashi, Pierre Ossian Bonnet, Felix Klein, Ilya Frank, Pope Innocent V, Matthew Henry, Moritz Schlick, C.J. Dennis, A. B. Frost, Al Hansen, Darius Milhaud, Peter Laughner, David O. Selznick, Dennis Day, Chuck Mitchell, Dody Goodman, Howard Staunton, Tommy Treichel, Darryl Kile, Pat Nixon, Esther "Eppie" Pauline Friedman Lederer aka Ann Landers, George Carlin,

Fred Astaire

and Judy Garland.

Please go your way.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 21 June

Go away.

Why aren't you leaving? Did you lose your way? The gate is marked clearly, E-X-I-T. It's over yonder. And still you do not use it. Why is that? You came here for something particular. And that is...? Ah, yes, the reading. As if there were anything else. Well, if it will persuade you to leave more quickly, I make haste to share with you what I see:

You are mechanically inclined and it shows in your activities. You should probably find a good, strong grease-cutting soap for those hands, and a much stronger deodorant. A pleasant and congenial disposition, kindly, slow... much like a big puppy; you like to have witty people around you, in hopes that it will rub off.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. But you could allow your machine-like thought processes to shift gears and work their way around to this positive perspective -- you're still kicking. That beats what these people have, as, on this date in history, they all ground to a complete halt: Liu Bei, Enrico Dandolo, Edward III, Leonardo Loredan, Oda Nobunaga, Antonio López de Santa Anna, Leland Stanford, Smedley Butler, Sukarno, Jean Liebault, Anders Jonas Ångström, Charles Dillon Perrine, Gideon Sundback, Johannes Stark, Aloysius Gonzaga, Jaime Cardinal Sin, Niccolò Machiavelli, John Skelton, Thorne Smith, Leon Uris, Sebastiano del Piombo, Inigo Jones, Andrea Sacchi, Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov, Earl William "Madman" Muntz, Carroll O'Connor, Margaret Herrick, Maureen Connolly, Al Campanis, Captain John Smith, Frances Adeline Seward, Wilfrid 'Wop' May, James Chaney, Andrew Goodman, Michael Schwerner, Ettore Boiardi, Bob Evans,

and John Lee Hooker.

Walk the walk, baby... away from here.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 20 June

Go away.

Will you get out of here? Why aren't you gone? Is the exit gate suddenly locked, after years of being rusted open? Are you confused as to which way is down? Why are you here? Oh, you came for a reading, did you? And, if I give you one, you will promptly go. I see. Well, of course, if I apply myself, I can see even more, like that you won't like what I have to say, but you, like so many, believe that your life will be different from everybody else's. So, here I give you you:

You have some originality, executive skills, and mechanical skills, if you ever decide to apply yourself. You are stuffy and spend much energy on what you view as "deep thoughts," but the rest of us experience those same when we don't eat for a day or two. You are rather an irksome busybody.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. Well, color me surprised! You can at least look on the positive side of this, though. You're able to feel your disappointment. These people, on this date in history, stopped feeling anything but the pressure of six feet of dirt above them: Theodorid, Louis the Pious, William IV, Toshizou Hijikata, Benjamin Huntsman, Abraham Gotthelf Kästner, Kurt Alder, Raphaël Salem, Erwin Chargaff, Jack Kilby, Bruno Frank, John Clayton Adams, Carl Friedrich Abel, Jim Ellison, Mark Robson, Estelle Winwood, Johannes Zukertort, Lou Klein, Billy Johnson, Willem Barentsz, Bugsy Siegel, Howard Johnson,

and Lawrence Payton.

It is the same old song, even after all these years.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 19 June

Go away.

What are you doing still around here? Didn't you hear the conductor call "all aboard" for the midnight train going anywhere? Why won't you go? Did somebody trick you into believing I wanted company? No? Then what is keeping you here? Oh, you came for a reading. And, if you get one, you'll take it far, far away? YeeeeeHAW! Let's get this baby going, then. Here you are:

"Sensitive", retiring, sympathetic and affectionate, you are a complete invertebrate who can't even stand up for your own convictions out of fear that you'll hurt somebody's feelings. To be happy you need love and a sharing of your life and happiness. Even though you are affectionate, you have few intimates. That's probably because people tend to lose patience with your sissy waffling. I'd find that pitiable, if I cared.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. Jellyfish don't get happy. But at least you're better off than these vertebrates, all of whom, on this date in history, began their careers feeding lower invertebrates: Roman the Great, Alberico Gentili, Nathanael Greene, Maximilian I, Lady Olave Baden-Powell, Joseph Banks, Fernand Seguin, Romuald, Syed Zafarul Hasan, Sir James Matthew Barrie, William Golding, Matthäus Merian, Louis-Jean-François Lagrenée, Alessandro Marcello, Johann Ernst Eberlin, Ed Wynn, Jean Arthur, Len Bias, Terry Hoeppner, Grace Abbott, Julius Rosenberg, Ethel Rosenberg, Sam Giancana, Paul Popenoe,

and Bobby Helms.

By the same stars above you, I swear at you until you go.
Happy birthday, anyway.

What to do with that NoKo ship...

Since nobody is going to be allowed to board the North Korean ship we strongly suspect is transporting weapons -- nukes included -- without permission, and they're not likely to give said permission, why don't we have the various allied navies "guide" the ship (in the same way fighter jets direct a smaller, weaker aircraft to an appropriate landing field when they go astray into restricted airspace) into Somali waters, as it were? We could wait for the Somali pirates to board them, then "come to the rescue" of the N. Korean ship, maybe even "accidentally" puncturing a hull in the process (or is that too much?)... two birds with one stone.

Okay, I know I'm getting into silly fantasy territory, but why can't we figure out a way for our enemies to screw each other, instead of having an administration just stand there and make a show of wringing its hands over nuclear proliferation among rogue nations? We had enough of hand-wringing with the last POTUS, and he actually seemed to care about it.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 18 June

Go away.

Why are you still here? Do you have something against leaving a soul solo? Why won't you go? You came here for something. Hmmmph. And if I give you that something, you will be happy, make like a tree and leave? So, what can this impoverished eremite offer as bribe to see you gone? A reading? That's what you came here for? Some people! Well, if that's what you want, here you are:

Practice self-confidence, and someday you might actually deserve it. You have ability, but always allow others to step on your attempts, so you don't get anywhere. Caspar Milquetoast and Walter Mitty look bold and dashing by comparison to you. Your clinging type will annoy the heck out of anybody, so don't count on a happy relationship. Ever.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. But you can probably find the positive side of this, if you think about it. After all, you're still capable of daydreaming. By comparison, these people have it pretty darned badly, since, on this date in history, they stopped dreaming and became mere memories: Emperor Chukyo, King Alfonso III of Aragon, Shigematsu Sakaibara, Christoph Scheiner, Jacobus Kapteyn, Paul Karrer, Manuel Sadosky, Johann Ulrich von Cramer, Adam Gib, Robert Crowley, Samuel Butler, Tom Brown, William Cobbett, another Samuel Butler, Maxim Gorky, John Cheever, Roger van der Weyden, Tasha Tudor, Thomas Gomez, Roger Caesar Marius Bernard de Delgado Torres Castillo Roberto, Curd Jürgens, Ethel Barrymore, Nancy Marchand, Miyuki Kanbe, Larry Doby, Henry Fitzroy, Piet Hein, Eufemio Zapata, Max Immelmann, Roald Amundsen, Alan Berg, Frances Scott Fitzgerald, Bernard Manning,

and Peter Allen.

You can go to Rio, too, please.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 17 June

Go away.

Why do you still stand there? Did you not understand the simple, two-word request I made? Your vocabulary is that limited? Go. That means do not stay. Away. Someplace not here. Simple enough? You want something before you leave. And what would that be? A reading. If I give you one, will you be happy and shuffle off to Lackawanna, or wherever? Hot diggety! Here you are:

Ignorance is bliss -- you couldn't care less about anything; you are a real sideshow, too. You are artistic, idealistic ... ultimately impractical. You enjoy travel and could seriously learn something from it. Try it now.

Are you satisfied, now? Of course not. But at least you're happy. And, maybe that happiness (disgusting to me as it is) stems partly from the fact that you have these noted people beaten. You can still stand up and speak and annoy your local ascetic. These folks are all in a permanent horizontal state: Bolesław I the Brave, Ashikaga Yoshiteru, John III Sobieski, Sir William Wyndham, Agha Muhammad Khan, Rani Lakshmibai, Arthur Harden, Jack Parsons, Thomas Kuhn, Donald J. Cram, Fulk the Venerable, Philip Cardinal Howard, Joseph Addison, Sam Loeb, Edward Burne-Jones, Johan Wagenaar, Karl Mueller, Jeff Chandler, Arthur Franz, Pamela Britton, Cyd Charisse, Allen Sothoron, Duffy Lewis, Dick Howser, Willie Davenport, Gerry McNeil, John Pitcairn,

and Kate Smith.

God bless Kate Smith.
And, while we're feeling magnanimous, happy birthday to you, too. Now, go.

Is it too late for me to get cable tv?

For the past nine years, I've lived with the fact that I can't afford cable or satellite tv. I had one of those plug-in, electrically-enhanced sets of rabit ears, so I could watch the "Big" networks (ABC, NBC, CBS and FOX), plus a couple of channels of PBS stuff with a cruddy signal. (Not even a flicker of CW or whatever that station is that carries teen nighttime soaps. Thank the powers that be, for that.) With the conversion to digital, I got the cheapest little box I could find, and now I don't get CBS at all, at home. I'm not really missing it, except I have to go elsewhere for my Mark Harmon fix on Tuesdays. Mom doesn't seem to mind when I commandeer her guest room for the purpose.

Anyway, with the disgusting display by NBC's news team earlier this month, spending two days and nights in bed with the President and sharing the gross bits with the public, I have found myself losing another channel. I'm afraid to go back to that one.

And now, ABC is going there, too.

If this keeps up, very soon I'll be left with a box on my dresser which would make a very nice terrarium, but not much else.

Sheesh.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 16 June

Go away.

Why will you not leave? What is it that keeps you tormenting this solitude-seeking old crank by coming around here? You only want something from me, you say? And that might be what? Oh, a reading. If I give it to you, you will go away? Spiff-o-rama. Here you are:

You are irritable and restless, and complain bitterly when you are required to stay around to finish anything. Your lusts and wants guide you more than outer influences will. You are not likely to fall in love at first sight. You want your own way often, and are obstinate always.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. Go ahead and complain. At least you're better off than these people. You have life. They, on this date in history, got sent to the land of Can't Complain: Benjamin Tupper, Chittaranjan Das, Aris Velouchiotis, Margaret Bondfield, Empress Kōjun, John Gorrie, John Snow, Ernst Schröder, Elmer Ambrose Sperry, Andrew Lawson, Wernher von Braun, Jule Gregory Charney, Pope Innocent III, Giulio Alberoni, Joseph Butler, Wilhelm Martin Leberecht de Wette, Norman MacLeod, Georg Henrik von Wright, Richard Fanshawe, DuBose Heyward, Wilhelm Camphausen, Curt Swan, Emmett Hardy, William Henry "Chick" Webb, Kristen Pfaff, David Edward Sutch, Nicholas Ray, Brian Piccolo, Lew Andreas, Mel Allen, Johann Baptista Ruffini, William Lawson, Ezra Fitch, Mario Rigoni Stern,

and James Honeyman-Scott.

Gonna make you notice...nuffin.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 15 June

Go away.

Will you leave, please? Go away, far away. Why are you still here? Is there a problem with your directional sense. Let me make it simple: there is here, and there is where you should be. Turn and try to get to that place. Why is it you're not turning, now? Oh, you want something from me. And that would be...? A reading. Who'd 'a' thunk? Well if giving you one of those is what it takes to get you back on that path to yonder, let us tarry no more! Here you are:

You are a smarty-pants goody-two-shoes who applies diligence to everything you do. Bully for you, you also like to read and think really hard. Not only that, but you have friends (!), and you're generally popular among them. That makes you equal to my parents' Labrador Retriever.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. But, look on the bright side. At least you're still around to complain. That beats what these people have, as, on this date in history, they all were sent to the great doggy paradise: Emperor Go-Sanjō, Andronikos III Paleologos; John Cavendish, John VI Cantacuzenus, Murad I, James K. Polk, James Short, Kristian Birkeland, Otfrid Foerster, Wendell Meredith Stanley, Arthur Lewis, John Vincent Atanasoff, Prince Lazar, Thomas Campbell, Guillaume Courtois, Ary Scheffer, Louis-Claude Daquin, Alfred Bruneau, Robert Meredith Willson, Ella Fitzgerald, ... Stan Winston, George K. Brewer aka George Reeves, Steve Cochran, Victor French, Hume Cronyn, Giulio Cabianca, Sam Crawford, Jimmy Dykes, Andy Stanfield, Happy Chandler, Dick Murdoch, Choi Hong Hi, Sherri Martel, Robert Stethem, John Connally,

and John Leslie "Wes" Montgomery.

'Round midnight the party will have to end.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 14 June

Go away.

Why is it you're still here? Can't you hear your mother calling? Or is it your wife? Or your life? Why won't you return the call? You never write, either. So, without permission you come here to plague a poor medium. Why is that? Oh, you want a reading, do you? If I give you one, will you leave me in peace? I think I can make the appropriate arrangements. Here you are:

You are one of those decent people: generous, kind, and considerate. You are capable and reliable and have a keen, active mind, are diplomatic and aggressive. You make friends easily and are fortunate in having a congenial trend of common interests. You are usually happy and contented and require love to keep your happiness. Everybody else hates you. I kick dust in your general direction.

Are you happy, now? I'm not. But then, I don't suppose what I offer you will quite stand up to your life as it is. And, hey, your life beats the alternative, which is all most people born on this earth have. After all, on this date in history, these all became fertilizer squares: Emperor Qinzong, Pierre Charles L'Enfant, Adlai Stevenson I, Kurt Waldheim, William Le Baron Jenny, Simon Sudbury, Roger Zelazny, Edward FitzGerald, Jerome K. Jerome, Gilbert K. Chesterton, Salvatore Quasimodo, Mary Cassatt, Hans Poelzig, Orlande de Lassus, Alan Jay Lerner, Erna Berger, Rory Gallagher, Esbjörn Svensson, Robert Middleton, Richard Jaeckel, Dame Peggy Ashcroft, Eddie Eagan, Bernie Faloney, Dale Whittington, Giovanni Borgia, Max Weber, Emmeline Pankhurst, Ruth Graham,

and Henry Mancini.

Don't jump the Gunn.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 13 June

Go away.

Why won't you be going? Is there something wrong with your feet? Have you lost track of your toes? Oh, you won't leave without getting something from me. Well, I do have some lovely pebbles of ... uh, I think they're limestone and chert, but don't quote me on it. You can have them if you want them. Yo don't want my gravel? Why not? What do you have against it? It's not what you wanted. Well, lah-ti-dah, aren't we getting particular! What in the name of all that is pickled do you want, then? Oh, a reeeeeeeeeding. I suppose I can give you a reading. If it will make you go away. It will? Swell. Here you are, then:

You are impulsive, energetic, argumentative and lack good judgment, favoring your version of intuition instead. You are a bad enemy to have, largely because you are hugely demonstrative in all your emotions, especially the ones you spell starting with "anger". When love is involved, you are careful to weigh and give no more than you get, you stingy oaf.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. I'm not surprised, though. My intuition warned me. Still, you could look on the bright side. At least you're still able to pretend you have some ability. These people, on this date in history, all ceased to be able, for anything at all, other than decomposition: Ali az-Zahir, Miyamoto Musashi, Henry Middleton, Ludwig II, Mikhail Alexandrovitch Romanov, Josef Skoda, Shibasaburo Kitasato, Georg von Békésy, Saint Anthony of Padua, Martin Buber, Ralph Wiley, Tankei, Nikiphoros Lytras, Clyde McPhatter, Matthew Garber, Lane Smith, Darla Hood, Henry Segrave, Dick Durrance, Donald Kent "Deke" Slayton, Tim Russert,

Benny Goodman,

and Fran Allison.

We owe it all to clean living.
Happy birthday, anyway.