Cranky Large Medium reading, 30 April

Go away.

Will you please leave? Or do I have to get rude with you? Actually, I don't need an excuse to do that, it's just what I am. But, please, won't you go now? Why not? You want something I have? And that would be...? A reading? That's all? Well, then, let me dredge one up for you, and then you'll skedaddle, right? Groovy. Here you are:

You are outspoken, blunt, and, quite frankly, lacking entirely in diplomacy and tact. You have a knack for hurting the feelings of others. When it comes to others, you are priggish, yet stolid and predictably dull. You are dreadfully faithful to those you love, and they like you well enough in return.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. Happiness doesn't come to those who can't keep opinions to themselves. Still, at least you're ahead of these people, all of whom, on this date in history, have opined their last, and are now encased in pine: Richard de Beauchamp, Thomas Audley, Jean Danjou, Emily Stowe, Robert Plot, John Montagu, Robert Fitzroy, Beatrice Webb, Adjutor, Pope Marcellus II, Lucan, Petrus Scriverius, Alfred Edward Housman, Eustache Le Sueur, Édouard Manet, George Balanchine, Zoletta Lynn "Zola" Taylor Sergio Leone, David Opatoshu, Tom Poston, Gordon Scott, Inger Stevens, Agnes Moorehead, Peter 'Possum' Bourne, Wim van Est, Kevin Mitchell, Casey Jones, Eva Braun, Adolf Hitler, Alben W. Barkley, Leslie C. "Lester" Bangs,

and McKinley Morganfield aka Muddy Waters.

I think your mojo has been given a pink slip.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 29 April

Go away.

When will you be gone? The sooner the better, I say. Preferably, yesterday. And, yet, you stand here gaping. So, what is it that stops you from heading far, far away? Oh, right, you came here for something important. And that would be? Ah, the reading. Sigh. Well, if that's what it takes to make you go, then I suppose I must dredge it up. Here you are:

If it's true that the meek shall inherit the earth, you'll get a whopping great portion of it, mouse that you are. You want to follow your instincts, but those usually lose out to your impulse to hide and attract no attention. People often take advantage of you. I know that's my plan. Awww, did I hurt your feelings? You sure are sensitive and easily offended. You are destined to be a college social sciences professor or a neighborhood political activist.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. Well, don't let your hurt feelings stop you from noticing that you actually have some semblance of life. At least you're still breathing, unlike these people, all of whom, on this date in history, found a permanent hide-out: William Henry Seward, Jr., Bernardino Machado, Georg Brandt, John Michell, Nikolaus Poda von Neuhaus, Jørgen Pedersen Gram, William Eccles, John Kenneth Galbraith, Albert Hofmann, Saint Catherine of Siena, Yechezkel Landau, Thomas Cooper, John Cleveland, George Farquhar, Edward Wortley Montagu, Mike Royko, Hardie Gramatky, Leroy Carr, Cisco Houston, J. B. Lenoir, Mick Ronson, William Gillette, Anthony Mann, Alfred Hitchcock, Hal Laycoe, Bob Akin, Sid Smith, Milt Bocek, Josh Hancock,

and James McCracken.

Elephants not included.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 28 April

Go away.

What's keeping you? Potassium sorbate? But I jest. And I must ask, why, oh, why are you still here after my explicit request for you to vacate the premises? You came here for a what? Speak up, I can't hear mumbles. You came for a reading. Ahhh, that old thing! And, if I give it to you, you will go? I believe I can learn to live with that arrangement, if you can. So. Then. Here you are:

You have no life. Rather than bother anybody (excepting your resident medium), you keep all your feelings, opinions, and worries to yourself. If you ever decide to make any plans, you are the sort who will stick to them, regardless of the quality of the notion behind them. Your first order of business ought to be to move out of your parents' house and get a life.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. But don't let that stop you from leaving. At least you can say that, rather than having nothing, you got life, mother. That sure as anything beats what these people have, all of whom, on this date in history, got halos: Conrad of Montferrat, Thomas Pitt, Cornelius Harnett, Fitzhugh Lee, Johannes Peter Müller, Louis Bachelier, Arthur Leonard Schawlow, Carl Friedrich von Weizsäcker, Johann Heinrich Abicht, Peter Chanel, Henry Vaughan, Iceberg Slim, Lewis Charles "B.W." Stevenson, Tommy Newsom, Thomas Betterton, William Henry Johnson aka Zip the Pinhead, Ed Begley, Rory Calhoun, Robert William "Dabbs" Greer, Clas Thunberg, Jim Valvano, Samuel Cunard, Frank Knox, Benito Mussolini, Clara Petacci, Roberto Farinacci, Aurora Quezon, Tom Donahue,

and Percy Heath.

This feeds one's basser instincts.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 27 April

Go away.

Why haven't you left? What right do you have to stay? How did I wrong you, to make you punish me in this way? Was it something I said? Must have been in a previous life, because I can't imagine I spoke to you before today. I can't imagine that I'm speaking to you today, but somehow it's happening... Oh, you just came for a simple favor of a reading. And you'll be forever in my debt? No. But you'll be happy enough when I give it to you that you'll leave me alone again? For that, I'm swayed. Here you are:

You are stubborn. Don't argue with me. You are. Still, at least you're not too judgmental, and, for the most part, a reasonable sort. Not that we find that terribly attractive. After all, you allow your reason to rule over your passion at all times, which makes you deadly-dull in the romance department.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. But there's no point in arguing with me. I'm stubborn, too. And I'm determined that you will understand that, even with the worst readings, at least you have your life. That always, hands-down, beats the alternative, which these people all gained on this date in history, when they moved south of the frostline: Maeda Toshiie, Henry Parkes, Karl Pearson, Guido Castelnuovo, Gerard K. O'Neill, Ruth Handler, Pope Leo XI, Robert Abercromby, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Hart Crane, Carlos Castaneda, Jan van Goyen, Alexander Scriabin, Alois Hirt, Vicki Sue Robinson, William Charles Macready, Stanley Adams, Ferdinand Magellan, Zebulon Pike, Edward R. Murrow, Konosuke Matsushita, William Colby, Bunches of soldiers,

and Mstislav Rostropovich.

You had me at "cello".
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 26 April

Go away.

Why won't you leave? Is there glue on your shoe? Rocks in your socks? Can't get the lead out? Let me point you in the right direction... it's away from me, doesn't matter north, south, east or west. Oh, but you came here with something in mind, did you? I can scarcely wait to learn what that is...oh, right. I'm a medium, I should be able to read... um... you want a reading. heh. And if you get it, you'll go away happy. Is that a promise? Or at least a statement of intent? Bully! here you are, then:

You are shrewd, far-sighted and cut-throat ambitious. Your associates respect and fear you, with good cause. You view your friends as your most valued possessions; ownership isn't exactly respectful, but they do as you wish and aid you in times of need. You love your home and are magnanimous toward your family. Pardon me while I roll my eyes in gratitude.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. But you will leave, right? Well, let me give you a positive note to take with you -- at least you're still capable of complaint. You still draw breath, as opposed to these people, all of whom, on this date in history, began to draw only flies: Emperor Go-Shirakawa, Ashikaga Yoshihisa, Srinivasa Ramanujan, Carl Bosch, Arnold Sommerfeld, Peter Stone, Robert Campin, Carmine Coppola, Adrian Borland, Tammany Young, Edward Arnold, Jim Davis, Broderick Crawford, Mason Adams, Gypsy Rose Lee, Irene Ryan, Lucille Ball, Emily McLaughlin, Gichin Funakoshi, Morihei Ueshiba, Masutatsu Oyama, Simonetta Vespucci, Giuliano di Piero de' Medici, John Wilkes Booth, Sigmund Rascher, Jim White,

and William James "Count" Basie.

That should be right up your alley.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Chuck Jones has a lot to answer for

I came into my parents' house this afternoon, after running a handful of errands, to hear LIVE FROM THE MET playing Götterdämmerung. So, there they were, in the middle of Act II, horns a-blazing, and I'm hearing Elmer Fudd.

Not that I'd be safe, even if I'd never seen the Warner Brothers salute. After all, Mom and Pop introduced me to Anna Russell, too.

But, still.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 25 April

Go away.

Why are you still hanging about? Somebody put a leash on you and tie you to the post? No, I can't see the rope. So, what is it that keeps you from the kindness of your leaving here? Ah, I see, you came for a reading. And, if I give it to you, you'll be happy and go. I think I can live with that, if you can. So, here you are:

You are slick as heck, and good with your hands. Good thing I don't carry a wallet or have a watch! You're a smooth operator in the world of romance, as well. Still, you don't pull any punches when you talk, saying whatever is on your mind, without any tact at all. You are insanely jealous and demand constant attention from your partner and anybody else you think of as yours.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. Even when you're the center of my attention, it isn't enough. Hey, at least you're still alive, which puts you ahead of these people, all of whom, on this date in history, caught the attention of the Grim Reaper: Emperor Antoku, Naresuan, Chongzhen Emperor, Frederick William Seward, Pyotr Nikolayevich Wrangel, Anders Celsius, Jean-Antoine Nollet, Siméon-Denis Poisson, Lucien le Cam, Athanasios Papoulis, Saint Mark, Henry Hammond, John Cardinal Cody, Leon Battista Alberti, William Cowper, Anna Sewell, David Teniers the Younger, Moshe Brand aka Mike Brant, Yutaka Ozaki, Roger Troutman, Larry Troutman, Lisa Lopes, Bobby "Boris" Pickett, Humphrey Lyttelton, Saul Bass, David Merrick, George Sanders, Art Fleming, Ginger Rogers, Tony Mullane, John Tewksbury, Samson Kitur, Indra Devi,

and Dexter Gordon.

I'm guessing it's no one.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 24 April

Go away.

Will you please go? I mean, really. Is it so difficult to be reasonable and let an old hermit have some privacy? So, what is it that keeps you from turning and going? Oh, you want a reading. I should have examined the auspices and seen that coming, shouldn't I? Ah, well, if that's what will make you leave more quickly, I suppose I will have to dredge up something about you, no? Here you are:

You read great heaps; it makes you an annoying know-it-all in conversations. You are a complete snob, not allowing for anybody you consider to be "less cultured" than yourself to join you in chat or activity. You like to be the center of everybody's universe, but say you can't stand flattery. It must make you insufferable.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. Nobody ever is. But then, at least you have one thing going for you -- you're still vertical. That's a serious advantage over these people, all of whom, on this date in history, carked it: Eleazar Wheelock, Ezer Weizman, Thomas Fincke, G. Stanley Hall, Max von Laue, Gerhard Domagk, Mellitus, Wilfrid, Pope Benedict XII, Fidelis of Sigmaringen, Moshe Teitelbaum, Daniel Defoe, Lucy Maud Montgomery, Willa Cather, George Grey Barnard, Harry McClintock, William Alexander "Bud" Abbott, Louise Dresser, Ville Ritola, Vladimir Komarov, Wallis Simpson, Estée Lauder,

and Pete Ham.

You're leaving, no matter what.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 23 April

Go away.

What's keeping you here? Forget how to walk? Go on, now, head on downhill, back to the folks who are willing to pretend they don't mind having you around... Oh, you won't go until you get something from me will you? And what might that something be, considering the eremite that I am? Ah, a reading. How could I have not guessed? Well, then, if that's all it will take to make you go, here you are:

You are spoiled and pampered, and whine incessantly if you are not surrounded by luxury. You are also a big bully, pushing around your subordinates and, in general, strong-willing your way through life. Your ideal bedroom is probably decorated in leather and canvas, with a few accent chains and other exotic devices whose purpose should be left out of my imagination.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. Go ahead and whine. At least you're better off than these people, all of whom, on this date in history, gave up for all time both whine and cheese: Brian Boru, Æþelræd Unræd, James Abercrombie, Guillaume-Chrétien de Lamoignon de Malesherbes, Charles G. Dawes, Sam Ervin, Boris Yeltsin, Carl Ludwig, Julius Freed, Paul Erdman, Saint George (and dragons everywhere say, "Not a moment too soon!"), Saint Adalbert of Prague, Margaret Fell, Miguel Cervantes, William Shakespeare, Thomas Tickell, William Wordsworth, Rupert Brooke, Pamela Lyndon Travers, David Halberstam, Red Garland, Harold Arlen, Otto Preminger, Satyajit Ray, William Hartnell, Buster Crabbe, John Mills, Romano Scarpa, Paulette Goddard, Howard Cosell, Earl Wilson, César Chávez, James Earl Ray, John C. Stennis,

and John Anthony Genzale, Jr. aka Johnny Thunders.

Chinese rocks, Asian pebbles...
happy birthday, anyway.

Probably not the definitive post on Miss California

But I had to say it:

If Perez Hilton, as judge, didn't want to hear an honest answer from a young contestant in a pageant with morality clauses in it, why did he ask her opinion? Is it really worth disqualification, for a young woman to actually proclaim that she has some grounding in morality? Seems to me, there's a morality clause in the contest rules. And, more certainly, for several decades, the contestants were expected to recite the creed: "We, the young women of the universe, believe people everywhere are seeking peace, tolerance and mutual understanding. We pledge to spread this message in every way we can, wherever we go."

She was honest. She didn't say she thought Hilton and his companion (if he has one, currently) should be hoist upon a cross or burn in the fires of hell for lusting after each other. She didn't cry out against homosexuality. She simply stated that, according to her faith and the laws across most of her country, marriage is defined as between a man and a woman. Seems pretty clear.

But Perez and others seem to think that, even when asked directly, expressing her honest opinion should cost her everything she worked for.

Pitiful.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 22 April

Go away.

Why are you standing there? It's not as though you had a Beatles' song written about you, or any such. So, why do I see you standing there? Ah, the request. You seek a reading. Well, you've come to the right place for that. Let me get this over with, so you can go. Here you are:

You have some musical talent which ought to be developed... somewhere else. You are an opinionated so-and-so, but, fortunately for the rest of us, can usually be convinced of the folly of your ideas. On the rare occasion when your notions are solid, they're not bad at all. You are capable of a deep love, if you were to ever bother to get acquainted with the people you use.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. It's not like I gave you a box of chocolates! At least you have something Forrest Gump says is similar, unlike these people, all of whom, on this date, got a box of pine: Petronius Maximus, Pierre-Charles Villeneuve, Harlan F. Stone, Richard M. Nixon, Pat Tillman, Jason L. Dunham, James Hargreaves, Richard Trevithick, James P. Kirkwood, Chaim Aronson, Thomas Meik, Wilhelm Cauer, Horace Donisthorpe, Fritz Strassmann, Paul H. Emmett, Pope Caius, Pope Agapetus I, Erma Bombeck, Bartolomeo Ammanati, Henry Lerolle, Käthe Kollwitz, Ansel Adams, Edouard Lalo, André Caplet, Lionel Atwill, Will Geer, Jane Froman, Irene Rich, Linda Lovelace, Harold "Jug" McSpaden, Henry Royce,

and Earl "Fatha" Hines.

Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 21 April

Go away.

What are you doing just standing there? Why haven't you gone away? Is the concept too difficult for you? How silly! Please, just turn around and go back the way you came... oh, you came here with a purpose. And that was? A reading. How shatteringly original. Well, if it's what will make you happy and get you go leave, I suppose I'll just have to give it to you. Here you are:

You are a soft touch, wear your heart on your sleeve, and are easily swayed by the least of others. You have the untapped ability to enjoy culture and refinement, and might have been an artist, if only.... You should be very careful in choosing a life partner, as you are likely to mate with one whose interests run counter to yours, and you are too weak to stand against the tide, even in a bathtub.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. Still, you ought to look on the bright side, if you can. At least you're alive, unlike these people, all of whom, on this date in history, went to the happy hunting ground: King Henry VII, Oda Nobuhide, Asano Naganori, Ivan Nabokov, François "Papa Doc" Duvalier, Arthur Fadden, Petrus Apianus, Philippe de la Hire, John Michell, Johann Friedrich Pfaff, John Maynard Keynes, Edward Victor Appleton, Pope Alexander II, Anselm of Canterbury,Allama Iqbal, Pierre Abélard, Jean Racine, Antoine Hamilton, Robert Beverley, Jr., Samuel Langhorne Clemens aka Mark Twain, Robert Bridges, Cosimo I de' Medici, Romain de Tirtoff aka Erté, Alessandro Moreschi, Sandy Denny, Charles "Buddy" Rogers, Al Wilson, Milton "Gummo" Marx, Walter Slezak, Charles "Chic" Harley, Jimmy "The Greek" Snyder, Manfred von Richthofen, Thomas Wyatt Turner, Foster Hewitt,

and Nina Simone.

She ain't got much of anything, even life.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 20 April

Go away.

Why are you still here? What is it that holds you to the ground at my mountainside? Other than plain gravity, that is. What could possibly cause you to come here, to disturb my already disturbed nature? Oh, right. You want a reading. I am shocked -- shocked, I say. Ah, me. If I am to get rid of you, I suppose I will have to cede to your demands. So, here you are:

You are as bullheaded as they come. If there were a prize for stubbornness, you'd have a full display case. You expect others to step aside, or be trampled on. You are easily influenced by praise and flattery, rather than by direct appeal or command. Surround yourself with brown-nosers, and you will be happy. Not that anybody else close to you will be.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. Can't back down for a second. Hey, at least you can admit that what you have, here, in your life, beats the alternative. After all, you could be joining these people, all of whom, on this date in history, surrendered to the pressure of eternity: Zhengde, Pontiac, Karl Ferdinand Braun, Giuseppe Peano, Bernard Katz, Pope Clement V, Elizabeth Barton, Johannes Bugenhagen, Michael Fu Tieshan, Bram Stoker, Archibald MacLeish, Fumio Niwa, Joseph Wolf, Aldo Sigismondi aka Alan Dale, Andrew Hill, Don Siegel, Ruth Hale, Eddie Dyer, Richard Rood aka "Ravishing" Rick Rude, Christopher Robin Milne, Wenceslao Moreno aka Señor Wences

and Steve Marriott.

Say, is that your natural born hair? I thought not.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 19 April

Go away.

Why haven't you gone, yet? Did the last spaceship leave without you? Forget your transfer pass? Well? Why are you still here? For the sheer fun of it? Jeepers! So, what is keeping you here? Ah, the reading. Of course. If that's all we require to have you leave, then so be it. Here you are:

You are mercurial, temperamental, artsy-fartsy, and are overly-fond of music and travel. It's good that you enjoy the outdoors, as you really need to bathe more frequently. You should (but don't) take great pride in your possessions and the few talents you have, because that would allow you to use them to your best advantage. As it is, you are, at best, sincere and friendly, if ineffectual.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. But go ahead and throw your tantrums. At least you're better off than these people, all of whom, on this date in history, took off for the stars without a spaceship: Uesugi Kenshin, Roger Williams, Benjamin Rush, Benjamin Disraeli, Konrad Adenauer, Michael Stifel, Nicholas Saunderson, Johann Gottlieb Friedrich von Bohnenberger, Robert Jameson, Charles Darwin, Pierre Curie, Charles Sanders Peirce, Ephraim Shay, Alexander Alexandrovich Chuprov, Alphege, Pope Leo IX, Philipp Melanchthon, Thomas Bastard, Richard Price, Zola Levitt, Thomas Sackville, John Beaumont, George Gordon Byron, Daphne du Maurier, Octavio Paz, Paolo Veronese, Canaletto, Clement Meadmore, Sigismondo d'India, El Duce, Louis Applebaum, Niels-Henning Ørsted Pedersen, Stanley Hawes, Jean-Pierre Cassel, Ruth Hussey, Spencer Gore, John Marzano, Benny Hill, David Koresh, Scott Crossfield,

and Layne Staley.

Would not.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 18 April

Go away.

Why aren't you gone, yet? Didn't I just ask you to scram? So, what keeps you standing there, instead of doing what would please me most of all, today? Why won't you go? Was there some pointless aim in your coming here to plague me? Oh, of course. You came for a reading. Well, if I give it to you, will you go? Tee-freakin'-riffic. Here you are:

Great jumping jehosephat! you are annoyingly cheerful. Somebody may be tempted to stuff a grapefruit half into the face in front of that perfect disposition. You aren't even satisfied to be simply different, but have to try for the unusual in all your ambitions. Your brains and brawn roll over everybody else, on all your big projects. Try some tact and consideration, someday, for crying out loud.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. But look on the bright side, you big battering ram -- at least you're still able to run us over. That's a pretty good lick above what's left for these people, all of whom, on this date in history, slammed into the hereafter: Julius Caesar (not the one you think!), Isoroku Yamamoto, John Graunt, Johan Wilcke, Erasmus Darwin, Justus von Liebig, John Ambrose Fleming, Albert Einstein, Edgar F. Codd, Theobald of Bec, John Leland, Luigi Alamanni, Ernie Pyle, Ben Hecht, Gustave Moreau, Bernard Edwards, Will Hay, Masahiko Kimura, Brook Berringer, Sam Mills, Gertrude Vanderbilt Whitney, Josef Tiso, Thor Heyerdahl,

and Ottorino Respighi.

Nebbie you should have thought of that before you left home.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 17 April

Go away.

Aren't you gone yet? What is keeping you? Can't find your legs? Maybe you should have thought of that before you got into that position. Now all you're serving to do is to make me snicker. And that makes me hungry for a candy bar. So, please go, before I bite your butterfingers off. Why aren't you gone? You came here for... a reading. Ugh. Ah, well, if that's all it takes to get rid of you, I can probably pore over the Milky Way to see what's in the stars for you. Here you are:

You are a lazy bookworm who imagines the priority is always intellectual, but needs to get out and work on the body, even more than the mind. You should not ever go off your meds; being bipolar means having to say you're sorry twice as often. When it comes to love, you are exceedingly needy, and crave understanding you will never find. Especially here.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. Happiness should come from understanding, and there is none here. But you should look on the bright side -- at least you're still walking, as opposed to these people, all of whom, on this date in history, found the final answer: Alexander of Alexandria, Joseph I, David Hollatz, Benjamin Franklin, Alexander Mackenzie, Thomas Bayes, Samuel Morey, George Jennings, Jean Perrin, Henrik Dam, Roger Wolcott Sperry, Proclus, Kateri Tekakwitha, Yi Sang, Richard Jupp, Fyodor Petrovich Tolstoy, Alexander Golovin, Louise Nevelson, Johann Mattheson, Henry "Red" Allen, Felix Pappalardi, Earl Silas Johnson IV aka Earl King, Danny Federici, Soundarya, Kitty Carlisle, Claude Provost, Ralph Abernathy, Linda McCartney, Paul Getty,

and Eddie Cochran.

Too tired to rock? Just because you had to climb a mountain to get here. Pah!
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 16 April

Go away.

Why aren't you gone, yet? Is there something wrong with your feet? Did you take them off and forget where you left them? Why won't you leave? Oh, I see, you're one of those people. You just came here to bully me into giving you a reading. Well, I must tell you here and now, I'm not one to be bullied.... All right, all right, stop staring at me so cruelly! I'll give you what you want if you promise not to hurt me! Here you are:

You are ambitious, and usually manage to carry out your many bloodthirsty, cutthroat plans. You have all the energy you need to accomplish what you want; you're very good at pretending to listen to the opinions of others, but you always go your own way. That's likely to bite you on a crucial piece of sitting anatomy, especially when it comes to your love life and home.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. Would you listen to my advice? NOOooooo. It's your life, after all. Hey, it beats the alternative, which is what these people got, on this date in history, when they parked in the gargoyle garage: Otho, Walid ibn Yazid, Berengar of Friuli, George Villiers, Emilio Jacinto, Nelson W. Aldrich, Lucius Clay, Christian Mayer, Georges-Louis Leclerc, Zygmunt Florenty Wróblewski, George William Hill, Rosalind Franklin, Alberto Calderón, Frank Bateson, Edward Lorenz, St. Fructuosus of Braga, Ste. Bernadette, Alexis de Tocqueville, Samuel Smiles, Edna Ferber, Kawabata Yasunari, Ralph Ellison, Graham Stuart Thomas, Francisco de Goya, Marie Tussaud, Richard Neutra, Roland Topor, Tobias Hume, Domenico Dragonetti, Alexander "Skip" Spence, David Lean, Scott Brady, Neville Brand, Arthur English, Robert Urich, Graham Jarvis, Kay Walsh, Arthur Chevrolet, Gaetan Duchesne, Maria Lenk, Henry Birks, Rudolf Höß, These good people

and Andrés Rabago Pérez aka Andy Russell.

If your heart is doing a bolero, you should see a physician.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 15 April

Go away.

Your presence here is taxing my patience. Why aren't you gone? How do I deduct you from this scene? Ah, I see. I give you a reading, and you, pro forma, get along down the road. I suppose that is a fair offer. So, then, here you are:

You have a lot of nerve! You want to be popular, like to travel, and will use people to fulfill your ambitions. Your mind is a steel trap, sharp and analytical, but without the proper social graces... you probably should have been an engineer or mathematician and wear a pocket protector, so ordinary, sensible people would know enough to avoid you.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. And yet, you have it so good! After all, you have your life, and that beats what these people have, since, on this date in history -- what now has become America's Tax Day -- they met with the other of life's certainties: John Carver, Madame de Pompadour, Abraham Lincoln, Kepa Te Rangihiwinui, Victoria Eugenie of Battenberg, Byron "Whizzer" Whit, Johann van Waveren Hudde, Jacopo Riccati, Peder Horrebow, Mikhail Lomonosov, Arthur Aikin, Otis Barton, John Tuzo Wilson, Harvey Postlethwaite, Adolf of Altena, Manuel Chrysoloras, Robert Parsons, Patriarch Joseph, Father Damien, Jean-Paul Sartre, Matthew Arnold, Gaston Leroux, César Vallejo, Corrie ten Boom, Jean Genet, Leslie Charteris, Damon Knight, Filippo Brunelleschi, Domenico Zampieri, Edward Gorey, Brant Parker, Youri Egorov, John Fred Gourrier, Wallace Beery, Richard Conte, Raymond Bailey, Arthur Lowe, Clara Blandick, Greta Garbo, Edward "Carji" Greeves, James A. "Ripper" Collins, Dan Reeves, John Curry, Edward Smith, Jack Phillips, John Jacob Astor IV, Thomas Andrews, William T. Stead, Tommy Cooper, Pol Pot,

and Jeffrey Ross Hyman aka Joey Ramone.

I see skies of blue.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 14 April

Go away.

Why aren't you at least halfway to somewhere else, by now? Is there some problem with your feet? Do they smell, and your nose run -- proof that you were assembled backward? Oh, you just came up here to ruin my day by making me work, right? Well, foo on you. All I'll do for labor is sit and see, and maybe do a little light reading. Hmm. That's all you want, is a little light reading? Will you settle for what I see, then, and shortly thereafter, skedaddle? Great! Here you are, then:

You may have a mind that's sharp as a tack, but tacks rust when you don't take care of them. Go buy some intellectual naval jelly, or something. Aww, have I offended your puffy soft and squishy feelings? That's what you get for leaning on a cactus. Still, at least you can learn how to be practical, if necessary. And it will be necessary. Take it easy on the displays of affection, especially for those you can't afford (pretty much everybody, these days, isn't it?).

Are you happy, now? Of course not. Still, while you complain about what a life you have, it has to beat what these people have, since all of them, on this date in history, somehow misplaced their lives, permanently: Richard Neville, Louis of Nassau, Henri Elzéar Taschereau, Maximilian Hell (Hell studied the heavens. Cool.), Ludovich Lazarus Zamenhof, Amalie Emmy Noether, Tatyana Alexeyevna Afanasyeva, Phil Katz, Richard Aungerville, Avvakum, Sri Ramana Maharshi, Simone de Beauvoir, Mikhail Vrubel, John Singer Sargent, Ollie Johnston, George Frideric Handel (250 years gone, this year), Pete Farndon, Thurston Harris, Don Ho, Hiroshi Teshigahara, Fredric March, Anthony Newley, Ellen Corby, Addie Joss, Al Benton, Stanley "Frenchy" Bordagaray, Tommy Holmes, Guillermo Kahlo, Rachel Carson,

and Burl Ives.

Peas, peas, peas, eatin' goober peas on earth.
Happy birthday, anyway
(and an especially happy one to the Brugly Other).

Oh, yeah. Just what we all need

More geriatric mommies. As if we didn't have enough trouble with the middle-aged mommies who can't keep up with their brats, now they're trying to make it possible for women to remain baby factories well into their dotage.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 13 April

Go away.

Why aren't you far gone? Is it too much to ask that you Fargo? How about just to the other side of the gate? How about just outside my field of vision. No, that won't work; my being a medium means my field of vision is too extensive. Guano! Well, then, what can I do to make you leave? A reading. As if I couldn't have seen that coming. Well, then, if it makes you happy enough to leave me, here you are:

You are stubborn, flighty, and... will you please learn to sit still? You don't let it bother you when people interrupt you while you're implementing some plan. Instead, you work around them and ignore public opinion -- especially when it's right and you're insane. You are quiet and withdrawn, don't make friends ... sort of like Jeffrey Dahmer. Remind me to pass, next time you invite me for dinner.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. Still, for all that you're disappointed, as usual, in your life, at least it's a life. It's better than what these people have, after having, on this date in history, gone skydiving off the edge of the planet and into the next dimension: Boris Godunov (not the guy from Bullwinkle!), Sasaki Kojirō, George Washington Glick, John McLane (not the one from the movies), Asaka Yasuhiko Leopold Gmelin, Henry De la Beche, Robert Fortune, Annie Jump Cannon, John Wheeler, Paul the Deacon, Richard Montagu, Bruno Bauer, Jean de la Fontaine, Ishikawa Takuboku, Georges Duhamel, Wallace Stegner, William Quiller Orchardson, Franz Danzi, Milton Brown, Ralph Kirkpatrick, Larry Parks, Richard Hurndall, Stephen Stucker, Michel Brière, Markus Höttinger, Voldemar Väli, Lou Berberet, Don Blasingame, Bill Baker, Pierre Gaspard Chaumette,

and Johnnie Johnson.

It must be nice to have your own blues, mustn't it?
Happy birthday, anyway.