Cranky Large Medium reading, 31 March

Go away.

Why haven't you left yet? Did something happen to your sense of direction? Why are you still hanging about? You must know how unpopular company is on a hermit's mountain, so what kind of gall does it take to come here and disturb my solitude? Oh, you heard I do readings, did you? And, if I give you one, will you leave? Groovy. Here you are:

You are an elitist, a snob, wrapped up in mental gymnastics, and yet you have potential for being a decent human being, if you try. You could have become a tolerable artist or musician, as you actually once displayed some talent and interest. Certainly you have that irksome artistic temperament. According to what I can see, women born on this day make excellent wives and mothers. My, but doesn't that offer you a broad view!

Are you happy, now? Of course not. Happiness is for the plebiscite, and you're not one of those. Then again, you're better off than these people, who once were elite but now are low as dirt: Regency Yorimichi Fujiwara, Eleanor of Aquitaine, John C. Calhoun, Mineichi Koga, Sir Isaac Newton, Pieter Burmann the Elder, Antoine Augustin Cournot, Emil Adolf von Behring, Hans Fischer, Clifford Shull, H.S.M. Coxeter, Paul Watzlawick, John Donne, Charlotte Brontë, Enid Bagnold, John Constable, Paul Strand, Johann Christoph Bach, Henryk Wieniawski, Franz Wilhelm Abt, Selena Quintanilla-Pérez, Jeffrey Lee Pierce, John Lenwood "Jackie" McLean, Jules Dassin, Jerry Paris, Brandon Lee, Meena Kumari, Anne Gwynne, Wyndham Halswelle, Knute Rockne, Grover Lowdermilk, Jesse Owens, Tim Flock, Bill Keightley, John Pierpont Morgan, Georges V. Matchabelli, Anne Frank, Bella Abzug, Barry Took, Frank Perdue, Terri Schiavo, The Chicago, Rock Island and Pacific Rail, USS Missouri (BB-63) (okay, these two aren't people, but they had an impact, so I had to mention them)

and O'Kelly Isley, Jr.

Don't forget to say you will.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Oh, and also, sleep was murdered on this date in 1918.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 30 March

Go away.

Why are you here? Why didn't you leave when I asked you to? Are you dim, deaf, or just plain mean? Oh, you're here for something I have. And what do I get out of this? Do I get to see you go away quickly? Wonderful. That's the kind of exchange I can live with. So, what is it I can get for you to make you go? Ah, a reading. I think I can arrange that. Here you are:

You are anal and give excessive thought and analysis before even beginning anything. You need to learn to trust your friends; if you try to question their motives, you'll only disappoint yourself and get nothing done, because they'll be insulted and leave you to do everything on your own. Killjoy.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. You had to question my motives. Well, my motives are clear and simple -- I'm alive, and I like being that way. You could find similar satisfaction, especially if you consider how these people, and so many others, on this date in history went the opposite path and wound up on the far crossroads: Charilaos Trikoupis, Newbold Morris, Heinrich Brüning, Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon aka The Queen Mum, Adam Ries, William Hunter, Friedrich Bergius, Philip Showalter Hench, Thomas Bourchier, Daniil Andreev, Karl Rahner, Karl May, DeWitt Wallace, Alistair Cooke, Robert Creeley, Sébastien Le Prestre, Seigneur de Vauban, Elisabeth Vigee-Lebrun, Thomas Couture, Maxfield Parrish, Pietro Locatelli, Abdel Halim Hafez, Timi Yuro, Gary Morton, Bobby Driscoll, Harold Peary, Michael Jeter, Milton Green, Red Hickey, David Leslie, Richard Lloyd, Beau Brummell, Gabriel Heatter, Dith Pran,

and James Cagney.

I don't know how far over there they are, but I'm glad I don't have to go, too.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 29 March

Go away.

What are you doing here? Isn't there something you should be doing, like polishing your sneakers or something? Quit dawdling and get to it! Oh. You're wearing sandals, and they don't need polish. But those toenails... well, never mind. You probably haven't seen your feet in a while. So, why were you pestering me, again? Ah, the reading. You want to know about yourself. Heh. The things I could say... anyway, I'll just give it to you as I see it:

You are affectionate and go into relationships like a good puppy, showing little or no judgment of whether or not it's wise to involve yourself. Work on developing a sense of sportsmanship and justice, someday soon. You're unbearable to be around, as you are. You remind me of my father in a foul mood.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. No matter how good you have it, you still want more. Hey, you should at least appreciate that you're still mobile, as opposed to these people, all of whom, on this date in history, popped off the hook: Emperor Go-Murakami, Henry Percy, King Gustav III, Nathan Twining, Luther Terry, Emanuel Swedenborg, Francesco Zantedeschi, Carlo Urbani, Pope Stephen IX, Louis I, Cardinal of Guise, Charles Wesley, Johann Heinrich Voß, Salvador Elizondo, Jacob de Gheyn II, Slava Raskaj, Gottfried van Swieten, Charles-Valentin Alkan, Charles Villiers Stanford, Karol Szymanowski, Jeanine Deckers, Joseph Goreed aka Joe Williams, John Lewis, Frank Daniel, Harry Ritz, Paul Henreid, Bill Travers, Calvin Lockhart, Alexander Obolensky, Ted Kluszewski, Terry Moore, Yaoya Oshichi, John Jacob Astor, Henry Robertson Bowers, Edward Adrian Wilson, Sir Robert Falcon Scott, Otto Hermann Kahn, Anna Louise Strong, J. Arthur Rank, Johnnie Cochran, Mitch Hedberg,

and Carl Orff.

Or, if you prefer...

Oh, for tuna!
Happy birthday, anyway.

Some most days it's hard to admit I'm from Illinois

Between the Chicago Democrats (and their downstate cronies) and this guy, I'm thinking I'll start telling people I'm from North Dakota or something...

The politicians of this state are exceptionally embarrassing. Hey, is there anybody out there who has a rational, sane, ethical statesman in office that we can borrow for a few months? At least until they can show us locals that it can be done?

Cranky Large Medium reading, 28 March

Go away.

What are you doing still here? Did you lose your bus pass? I have plenty to spare, take one and scram. Well? Why are you just standing there? Oh, you came her for something... a reading. Naturally, you couldn't have just come for directions to the nearest greasy spoon restaurant. No, you want me to tell you about yourself, as though you were interesting, or something. Well, here you are:

Aggressive and forceful, you enjoy being surrounded by your sheeple. And, now, for the sexism: Men born on this date are pushy and often successful in business at the cost of your souls. Women become good managers of the household, as long as you don't have to do any of the actual chores. In either case, you think you're too good to get your hands dirty. Allow me to buy you a bar of Lava hand soap, and point you toward the sink.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. Still, you're better off even this way than these people, who, on this date in history, checked into the Afterlife Astoria: Pertinax, Emperor Go-Toba, George Henry Thomas, David Josiah Brewer, Dwight D. Eisenhower, Marquis de Condorcet,Peter Andreas Hansen, Nathan Stubblefield, William Giauque, Charles Schepens, Pope Martin IV, Aryeh Levin, Virginia Woolf, Miguel Hernández, Dorothy Fields, Eugène Ionesco, Marc Chagall, Heinrich Glarean, Constantijn Huygens, Antonio Capuzzi, Modest Mussorgsky, Sergei Rachmaninoff, William C. Handy, Arthur "Big Boy" Crudup, Carmen Dragon, Maria von Trapp, Jack Hoxie, Richard Arlen, Dick Haymes, Patrick Troughton, Hugh O'Connor, Peter Ustinov, Chick Fullis, Jim Thorpe, Stephen Leacock, Emmett Kelly, Art James, Caspar Weinberger,

and Rusty Draper.

The biggest fool's the joker...
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 27 March

Go away.

Will you begone, please? What are you waiting for? An engraved outvitation? Get gone! And here you stand. Why? What is it that keeps you here? Oh, right, you came here for a reading. I believe I can arrange that. In fact, here you are:

Originality, chutzpah, and a twisted sense of humor are your chief characteristics. You are a complete party animal, loving good times and lots of attention. You are naturally extroverted and need to be in the midst of loud crowds. Be careful you are not caught by police or the National Equirer.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. It's just the two of us, here, and I'm not up for a party. Still, at least we have one thing worth mentioning... we're still sucking air, as opposed to these people, all of whom, on this date in history, went to the ultimate wrap party: Girolamo Maggi, King James I, Simon Bradstreet, James Fannin, Michael Joseph Savage, Wilhelm Beer, Jean-Jacques Ampère, Alexander Emanuel Agassiz, Sir James Dewar, Jaroslav Heyrovský, Jim Thompson, Paul Lauterbur, Pope Clement III, Pope Gregory XI, William Hunter, Amedée Simon Dominique Thierry, Edgar Quinet, Henry Adams, Paul Zindel, Stanisław Lem, Giovanni Battista Tiepolo, Joseph-Marie Vien, Sir George Gilbert Scott, M. C. Escher, Paul László, Johann Stamitz, Joseph "Sharkey" Bonano, Clifford Jordan, Billy Wilder, Renato Salvatori, Jack Starrett, Ralph Bates, Aldo Ray, Milton Berle, Dudley Moore, Diana Hyland, May Allison, Joe Start, Bob Casey, Yuri Gagarin, Ferry Porsche, Lyn Nofziger,

and Ian Dury.

That's all I really need.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 26 March

Go away.

Why aren't you gone? What keeps you here? How is it that you haven't done the sensible thing and run away from here as fast as you are able? Oh, you came here looking for something, did you? So, what do you want? Rocks? I have lots of those -- mostly igneous and metamorphic. No rocks, you say. You have enough of those (probably in your head). So, what is it you came for? Oh, right... you want a reading. I suppose I can muster up one of those for you, if you promise to leave right afterward. Swell, here you are:

You don't like opposition, which makes you bitter. Your opinions mean more to you than does peace in your surroundings. You can be generous, but don't tolerate imposition. All in all, you're a stuffed shirt who will not find love and happiness as long as you remain wrapped up in your own self.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. You haven't opened up. But then, you could by now have figured out you have an advantage in your life, in that it is, after all, life. It certainly beats what these people have, all of whom, on this date in history, generously ceded all their worth to the next generation: John Winthrop, Samuel Ward, David Lloyd George, Daniel Patrick Moynihan, James Callaghan, ... Georg Tannstetter, James Hutton, Joseph-Ignace Guillotin, Auguste Charlois, ... Saint Emmanuel, Al-Hallaj, ... Charles Pinot Duclos, Walt Whitman, Katharine Lee Bates, Raymond Chandler, John Kennedy Toole, Noël Coward, Robert Fagles, ... Josef Albers, Roy Halston Frowick, ... Heinrich Isaac, Antonio de Cabezón, Ludwig van Beethoven, Eric Lynn Wright, Randy Castillo, William Jan Berry, Paul Hester, Nikki Sudden, ... Maurice Barrymore, Alex Comfort, ... Sarah Bernhardt, Jan Sterling, ... Spiridon Louis, Jimmy Burke, Johnny Drake, George Sisler, Marius Russo, ... Godfrey McCulloch, Anthony Blunt, John Addison Thomas, Cecil Rhodes, Edmund Muskie, David Packard, Marshall Applewhite, Wally Phillips,

and Eddie Lang.

With or without that man you're nearly crazy.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Are we still allowed to support the troops?

In 2006, Congress passed an act making March 26 National Support the Troops Day. They didn't make it an annual event -- they just passed it for March 26, 2006. The repeated the act in 2007 and again in 2008. I haven't seen anything about making tomorrow the same, though. Are we still supporting our troops by Congressional act, or is it back to just us folks who genuinely care and respect the men and women who serve?

Either way, today, like all days, my family and I thank our servicemen and women, and thank all those who serve alongside them, and all those who make it possible back home for these good people to protect and defend freedom throughout the globe.

There are still people at home who have your six.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 25 March

Go away.

Will you be going any time soon? Why not sooner, rather than later? After all, what can you possibly think you're going to accomplish by pestering me here? You think you can get something from me? It is to laugh. I have nothing here for you to take except... oh, right. You want that reading. Ah, well, I suppose I can let you have it, then. Here you are:

Through your naive and spendthrift nature, you will make many friends and have a long marriage, although how faithful and true they will be is still questionable. If you were careful and thrifty, you could follow the plans you made for your future with precision and success. That's a big "if", though. It's a pity you don't have much practice with restraint, other than in naughty settings.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. Nobody is ever happy. Life is full of disappointment, isn't it? But at least it is life. And at least it beats the alternative, which is all that's left for these people, all of whom, on this date in history, joined the actual human majority: Ikoma Chikamasa, King Faisal, Nehemiah Grew, Caspar Wessel, James Braid, Pope-elect Stephen, Olaus Martini, Marqués de Santillana, Conrad Lycosthenes, Giambattista Marini, Novalis, Frédéric Mistral, Max Eastman, James Wright, Nicholas Hawksmoor, Turlough O'Carolan, Claude Debussy, Billy Cotton, Robert Joffrey, Richard Fleischer, Nancy Walker, Helen Martin, Eddie Collins, Bob Waterfield, Krešimir Ćosić, Cal Ripken, Sr., Ben Carnevale, Elizabeth Storrs Mead, Ida Wells,

and Buck Owens.

Big in Vegas, bigger in the afterlife.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 24 March

Go away.

Why are you still here? Didn't somebody tell you to leave? Oh, right. I told you, and nobody ever listens to me, except when I tell them what they want. So, what do you want? Ah. A reading. Wonderful. I suppose I can swing that. In fact, here you are:

You spend all your energies trying to make happy those you love. You would be more successful if you just left them alone. You are very needy, operate on instinct, think you're a psychic, and lack any enthusiasm.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. The thrill is gone. Still, you could find reason for enthusiasm in the fact that you are still alive and kicking, as opposed to these people, all of whom, on this date in history, wandered out onto the dance floor for the last horizontal tango: Harun al-Rashid, Hosokawa Harumoto, Queen Elizabeth I, Philip Dormer Stanhope, James Rudolph Garfield, Bernard Montgomery, Sir John Kerr, John Harrison, Joseph Delesse, Karol Olszewski, Auguste Piccard, An Wang, César Milstein, Saint Catharine of Sweden, Walter Hilton, Pope Nicholas V, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, Jules Verne, John Millington Synge, John Hersey, Ivan Kramskoi, Samuel Scheidt, Pantaléon Enrique Granados y Campiña, Chalmers "Spanky" Alford‎, Neil Aspinall, Sam Jaffe, Richard Widmark, ... Alice Guy-Blaché, Muriel Young, Lynne Perrie, Larry McLean, Birdie Tebbetts, Ray Goulding,

and Harold Melvin.

The cake I lost.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 23 March

Go away.

Why are you still lolling about, here? Don't I hear your nanny calling? Shouldn't you be going somewhere far, far away? Well? Why are you here? Oh, right, you came here for a reading. Well, of course you did. You couldn't have just figured your own life out, you had to ask a sensitive soul, like me. So, then, for all my pains, here you are:

You are bossy as heck and obsessive about details which nobody in his right mind would worry over. You make people follow you around, in both business and social settings. You will have a full flock of children of your own, to keep you busy.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. For once, let somebody else lead you to a positive thought -- you're alive, unlike these people, all of whom, on this date in history, were gathered into the ultimate fold: Itagaki Nobukata, Emperor Gelawdewos, Charles Caroll, Tsar Paul, Arthur Melvin Okun, Friedrich Hayek, Paul J. Cohen, ... Pope Julius III, Johann Jakob Wettstein, Jean-Baptiste Dubos, Henri-Marie Beyle aka Stendahl, Franklin Pierce Adams, Edwin O'Connor, Rowland Evans, Paul César Helleu, Anthoni van Noordt, Johann Gottfried Walther, Donald Swann, Eileen Farrell, László Löwenstein aka Peter Lorre, Del Lord, John Dexter, Florence Moore, Mae Murray, Eric Medlen, Johan van Galen, Barney Clark, Ben Hardwick,

and Alan Barton.

I'd meet you at midnight, but it's past the time I turn into a pumpkin.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 22 March

Go away.

Will you please get off my cloud? Go on home, now. Run along. Get. Scat. Scoot. Why are you still standing there, mouth agape? Oh, you came here with a purpose. Well, put it in the aquarium with the dulphin. For crying out loud, now what? Ah, I see... no cetaceans, just intents. You want a reading. Why didn't you say so from the get-go? Here you are:

You are liked by everyone but me, due to your puppy-dog friendliness. You are cheerful and, like most rational creatures, fond of pleasure, but unlike many, you are willing to work hard, to concentrate on doing a job well, when necessary. You are sincere in romance, which leaves you always at a disadvantage. I would pity you for your love life, but that's not in my nature.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. You have everything you need, but that's not enough, is it? Well, at least you have greater reason to be satisfied than do these people, because you still suck air, while they, on this date in history, finally had their spurs hung up for them: Emperor Go-Sai, Stephen Decatur, John Hessin Clarke, John Canton, Étienne Bobillier, William Macewen, Johannes Magnus, Jonathan Edwards, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Kurt von Trojan, Agostino Carracci, Walter Lantz, William Hanna, Jean Baptiste Lully, David Harrison "Uncle Dave" Macon, Dave Guard, Dan Hartman, Don Murray, Mike Todd, Charles "Durango Kid" Starrett, David Strickland, Gloria Holden, John Harlin, Peter Revson, Karl Wallenda,

and Mark Dinning.

So far, no answer from the Angel.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 21 March

Go away.

Are you gone, yet? I suppose that would have been too much to hope for. Hmmmphhh. Well, then, what are you hanging around here for? It can't be my cooking, can it? After all, there are only so many ways to fix ramen noodles... I thought not. So then, why are you here? Oh, right, you came for the reading. Simple enough (the medium said, with subject ambiguous). Here you are:

You are impetuous, impatient and stubborn. You usually have to apologize repeatedly in any relationship, and doubly so if it's a romantic one. You are sincere in many things, and misguided in most. As a great leader, you make a better follower.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. Have some patience. Your life isn't all that bad. After all, it's life, which beats what these people have, having, on this date in history, moved WAY down under: Taira Kiyomori, Guadalupe Victoria, Edwin Vose Sumner, John Law, Nicolas Louis de Lacaille, Giovanni Arduino, Frederick Winslow Taylor, Peter Stoner, Richeza of Lotharingia, Nicholas of Flue, Thomas Cranmer, James Ussher, Ezra Abbot, Robert Southey, Cyril M. Kornbluth, the Rev. W. V. Awdry, Gaspard-Félix Tournachon aka Nadar, Andrea Luchesi, Franz Schreker, Alexander Glazunov, Leo Fender, Sir Michael Redgrave, Robert Preston, Macdonald Carey, Dack Rambo, Anthony Steel, Barney Martin, Shauna Grant, Joe Medwick, Pocahontas aka Rebecca Rolfe, Louis-Antoine-Henri de Bourbon-Condé

and Bobby Short.

Tangerine to you, too... or some other fruity nonsense.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 20 March

Go away.

Will you be gone, please? Is that too much to ask? Why am I so desired, of late? Oh, right. It's my natural charm, sophistication and beauty, accentuated by the glories of the first day of Spring. It's not? Well, then, what in the name of all that is sack-clad are you doing here? Ah, I see, it's that reading thing, again. Didn't they teach you that in grade school? Apparently not, or you'd not be here asking me to do it for you. So I give you what you ask, and you leave, correct? Well, then, here you are:

You are a bookworm, fancy yourself an intellectual, and are an unimaginative linear thinker. You are fond of travel, and everybody around you is happier when you do. You tend to dwell upon the past. You will fall deeply in love with somebody who does not speak your language, you will work hard, and when you take time for fun, people will ask if you ever plan to grow up.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. It's not that you don't like what you hear, it's that you lack the imagination to see how your life might be improved. Well, let me tell you, improvement isn't always necessary. All you really need to have is perspective. You're looking at things from ground level, and that sure as shootin' beats what these folks have, since, on this date in history, they had only a sub-basement view: Hermann von Salza, King Henry IV, Lord High Admiral Thomas Seymour, Mathias, Keisuke Yamanami, George Nathaniel Curzon, Ferdinand Foch, Hermann Müller, Joseph Aspdin, Julius Robert von Mayer, Alexander F. Mozhaiski, Franz Ritter von Hauer, Alfred Ploetz, Ivan Matveyevich Vinogradov, Polykarp Kusch, St. Cuthbert, Brendan Behan, Victor S. Pritchett, Nicolas de Largillière, Louis-Leopold Robert, Hans Christian Lumbye, George Howard, Gene Eugene, Brian Wilde, Marilyn Maxwell, John Minton aka Big John Studd, Tony Zale, Luis Alvarado, Sir Benjamin Truman, Ota Benga, Chet Huntley, Conor Clapton, Lewis Grizzard,

and Manolis Chiotis.

Don't go too heavily on the bouzouki, or you'll regret it tomorrow.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 19 March

Go away.

When will you be gone? When will I have peace again? (Wait. Have I ever had peace?) When will you turn around and head back home, to leave me with my own thoughts, such as they are? When I give you a reading? As soon as that? Hot Diggety! Here you are, then:

You're a regular hausfrau. You take care of home and family, show all the warm fuzzy skills of a Walt Disney mommy, and wear your heart on your sleeve. If your home is not filled with chirping birds and harmony at all times, you whine and make everybody else miserable. You need an exceptional amount of affection, understanding and attention. Check your antidepressant levels, adjust them, and get back to your normal treacly self.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. There is a squeaking hinge somewhere in your house. Hey, at least it's moving, as are you. You and the hinge could be much worse off -- you could be like these people, each of whom, on this date in history, became stiff: Emperor Bing of Song, Uesugi Kagekatsu, Lloyd L. Gaines, Philip Mazzei, Wilhelm Karl Ritter von Haidinger, Giuseppe Mercalli, Clinton Hart Merriam, Walter Haworth, Gaston Julia, Louis, 7th duc de Broglie, Hugh of St Cher, Thomas Ken, Pope Clement XI, Ibn Khaldun, Thomas Killigrew, Edgar Rice Burroughs, Sir Arthur C. Clarke, Vasily Surikov, Anne Klein, Garry Winogrand, Willem de Kooning, Nicolaus Bruhns, Randy Rhoads, Andrew Wood, Luther Ingram, Edward Platt (sorry about that, Chief), Richard Beckinsale, Cesare Danova, Yasuo Yamada, Calvert DeForest, Robert Cavelier de La Salle, John Bingham, Frank Nitti, William Hale Thompson, Charles K. Johnson, John De Lorean,

and Paul Kossoff.

Now you're trying to trick me in love.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Scientists find "fossil sneeze": octopus w/ink & suckers

No bones, no hard tissue, octopi are not the likeliest candidates for fossilization, and yet, some scientists from Berlin claim they have found the complete rock-hard remains of one. Complete. With ink and suckers. My initial response was, "Am I to be one of those suckers?" But they seem to have persuaded others in their field that their discovery is legit.

What most surprised Fuchs and his colleagues Giacomo Bracchi and Robert Weis was how similar the specimens are to modern octopus. "These things are 95 million years old, yet one of the fossils is almost indistinguishable from living species," Fuchs said.

So, what does one call an octopus that has gone beyond ossification, how does one label a cephalopod of stone? Fossipus? Octopossil? Cephalopossil? Rock of Inkjets?

Any way you look at this, it's cool as Cthulhu.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 18 March

Go away.

Will you ever be gone? How do I rid myself of this plague of company? Oh. Right. You want something, I grant it, you leave happy. Sure. So this thing you came here for... is it bigger than a breadbox? Do you even know how big a breadbox is? Ah, the intangible is what you seek. A reading.Well, then, I think I can oblige you. Here you are:

Work on a little self-confidence and stop fidgeting so much. People begin to think you have unspeakable things where they don't belong, anatomically. Especially because, even though you keep saying you love your home life, you still find infinite fault in the small things in it. You are never enthusiastic, and your pleasures are shallow and few.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. It's always the little things. Hey, if you don't like the message, don't blame me... you're the one with no enthusiasm. And besides, at least you have something a lot of other people of the world lack. You still have your life, as opposed to these people, all of whom, on this date in history, went to that unmovable spot: King Edward the Martyr, Tsar Ivan IV aka "Ivan the Terrible", Sir Robert Walpole, King Farouk I, Augustus De Morgan, Marcellin Berthelot, Erich Fromm, Kenneth E. Boulding, Adam Osborne, Pope Honorius III, Henry Simpson Lunn, Leigh Brackett, Bernard Malamud, Raphael A. Lafferty, Henry Janeway Hardenbergh, Robin Jacques, Jean-Baptiste Breval, Charles William "Billy" Butterfield, John Phillips, Anthony Minghella, Robin Harris, Michael Attwell, Wanda Hawley, Barbara Bates, Peggy Wood, Henri Cornet, Jack Quinlan, Charlie Lau, Matilda Joslyn Gage, William C. Durant, Bill Beutel,

and Lauritz Melchior.

Now, he was a man who sang about something I love... distance.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 17 March

Go away.

Why won't you go? Is there some unseen force binding you to the spot? Did my karma run over your dogma? Please, what will it take for you to leave? Oh. Right. You want a reading. Well, here you are, then:

You are one cold fish. You would rather be left alone, most days, to wrap yourself in your philosophic maunderings. Why does this sound so familiar? Hmm. Anyway. You have strong opinions. Those who can get past your personality quirks and become your friends may be friends for life. Don't encourage them, unless you want to be called up in the middle of your favorite television shows, just so they can talk about shoe styles.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. That would require that you be a saint, and there's only one allowed to celebrate this day... Hand me a Guinness, will you? And get over yourself. At least you're still in the original upright position, as opposed to these people, all of whom, on this date in history, became living impaired: Titus Labienus, Marcus Aurelius, Harold Harefoot, Lulach I, Go-Saga, Ashikaga Yoshikazu, Giuliano di Lorenzo de' Medici, Susanna M. Salter, Menno van Coehoorn, George Parker, Daniel Bernoulli, Friedrich Bessel, Christian Doppler, Robert Chambers, Irene Joliot-Curie, Haldan Keffer Hartline, John Backus, Saint Patrick (well, duh!), Jocelin, Alexander Ales, Jean-Baptiste Rousseau, Andre Norton, Louis Kahn, Oleg Cassini, Terry Stafford, Pat Weaver, Fred Allen, Merritt Butrick, Rick Aviles, Bob Papenbrook, Grace Stafford, Helen Hayes, Mai Zetterling, Amos Alonzo Stagg, Paul Dean, Ray Meyer, Lawrence Oates, Austen Chamberlain, Santo Trafficante, Jr., Ronnie Kray, J. J. Jackson,

and Ric Grech.

Cry today, cry tomorrow, it's all the same.
Happy birthday, anyway.

Cranky Large Medium reading, 16 March

Go away.

Please go away. Pretty please with sugar on top? Why aren't you going? What are you, the Marquis de Sade? What can I do to make you leave me alone? Oh, right. You only want a reading, and then you'll happily go. Where have I heard that before? Well, suppose I take you at your word... sigh. Here you are:

Your severe nature is only known to a few, because you keep it hidden behind a façade of clownishness... can you say "John Wayne Gacy"? Any unhappiness is kept from others, especially profilers. At least you are kind to some animals. You can command a great love... and that love will tell you to go whistle.

Are you happy, now? Of course not. Why would I even think you could be, especially after you promised you would be. Well, at least you have one reason to be less miserable... you have your life. That's more than can be said for these people, all of whom, on this date in history, were taken by that fell arrest which summons all without bail: Tiberius Claudius Nero Caesar, Valentinian III, László Hunyadi, Anne Neville, John Leverett, John James Richard Macleod, Yves Rocard, St. Jean de Brébeuf, St. John Sarkander, Marguerite Durand, David Feintuch, George Bähr, Aubrey Beardsley, Constantin Brancusi, John Hoagland, Giovanni Battista Pergolesi, Mario Castelnuovo-Tedesco, Arthur Godfrey, Charlie Barnett, Anthony George, Eddie Shore, Todd Bell, Dick Radatz, Joseph Medill, Roy Bean, Sergeant Stubby, Thomas Dewey, Thomas Ferebee, Rachel "Saint Pancake" Corrie, G. David Low,
and Aaron Joseph "T-Bone" Walker.

It may very well be a Stormy Monday.
Happy birthday, anyway.